I guess I was feeling a bit of guilt or some sort of unidentifiable emotions. Found a few things Rob left here, so I emailed him to tell him. We ended up talking for a long time tonight just about the problems we were having before. I know that it's all in the past and I do want to move forward. This time away from each other made us think about a lot of things. That's what I wanted, some time to think. I was angry and I was hurt, probably angry because I was hurt. I hate feeling hurt because it messes with the faith I've always wanted to establish in myself. It leads me to doubt myself, time and time again. I don't want to have to re-think everything I do. I want to be at least comfortable in my own skin. I think the one thing that made it hard for me to do that was my perception of other people's perceptions about me. I knew and have always known that everyone everywhere is judging me and always will be, but I let those judgments affect my perception of myself. Which a lot of people do. A lot of people care way too much about what other people think of them. The thing is: It doesn't matter. What matters is what you think is important enough to matter. Things are only as important as I want them to be. If it is something holding me back, it only matters in the sense that it's holding me back, it shouldn't be enough to be holding me back. Negativity holds you back. Positivity helps you move forward. Negativity leaves you overwhelmed. Positivity leaves you overjoyed.
I've been reading the book Roger left me with. There's a reason this book ended up in my hands. I've been taking notes so that I'll end up with my own condensed version. Sometimes I'll do that with books. Especially a book I can learn something from. I wouldn't call this book a text book. It's about a theory. The theory of "Optimal Experience" The experience that leads to contentment. It ties in with the theme I've been researching: Consciousness. This book, called "Flow" is about how we use optimal experiences to shape the "flow" of consciousness. When our consciousness is in this state of 'flow', nothing else matters except for the 'optimal' experience that we are experiencing at that exact moment that we feel 'in control' of ourselves and our destiny. It's a national best seller.
This research on the internet is helping change my perspective as well.
My horoscope for today says: Justice returns to your emotional life today, Abby. Under the protection of Judgment and Justice, you'll find yourself swearing your loyalty to your partner, putting your relationship on a more official footing, or finding a balance in your relationship. You get what you want not by force but through care, intelligence and patience. Bravo - may it bring you happiness!Professionally, you'll be concentrating on working towards long-term perspectives. You'll be showing great perseverance and tact in order to advance your goals, and you're mainly concerned with being constructive. Under the aegis of Temperance and Justice, you are slowly building your little nest, by consolidating the bits and pieces you already have. This approach is clearly going to bear fruit.
I guess I'm just like a bird building a nest. Then there will be an egg and it will hatch into something. As long as I take the time (patience) to let it incubate with care and intelligence. All I need to increase intelligence is information. I think I'd rather inform than conform. <----- I don't know where that came from, but probably my mind letting me know that I feel a certain way. Feelings do come from thoughts. Thoughts come from perceptions. Even from the lies we tend to tell ourselves to try to 'justify' feeling the way we do. Some people need to find explanations. At the very end of the book I'm reading, it comes to a part about creating patterns of optimal experiences and creating meaning from these patterns. Sometimes when you think you need an explanation, it's because there could be a hidden meaning. It remains hidden though, until you either discover it, or you create it.
Anyway I'd better try to get some sleep tonight!
I've been reading the book Roger left me with. There's a reason this book ended up in my hands. I've been taking notes so that I'll end up with my own condensed version. Sometimes I'll do that with books. Especially a book I can learn something from. I wouldn't call this book a text book. It's about a theory. The theory of "Optimal Experience" The experience that leads to contentment. It ties in with the theme I've been researching: Consciousness. This book, called "Flow" is about how we use optimal experiences to shape the "flow" of consciousness. When our consciousness is in this state of 'flow', nothing else matters except for the 'optimal' experience that we are experiencing at that exact moment that we feel 'in control' of ourselves and our destiny. It's a national best seller.
This research on the internet is helping change my perspective as well.
My horoscope for today says: Justice returns to your emotional life today, Abby. Under the protection of Judgment and Justice, you'll find yourself swearing your loyalty to your partner, putting your relationship on a more official footing, or finding a balance in your relationship. You get what you want not by force but through care, intelligence and patience. Bravo - may it bring you happiness!Professionally, you'll be concentrating on working towards long-term perspectives. You'll be showing great perseverance and tact in order to advance your goals, and you're mainly concerned with being constructive. Under the aegis of Temperance and Justice, you are slowly building your little nest, by consolidating the bits and pieces you already have. This approach is clearly going to bear fruit.
I guess I'm just like a bird building a nest. Then there will be an egg and it will hatch into something. As long as I take the time (patience) to let it incubate with care and intelligence. All I need to increase intelligence is information. I think I'd rather inform than conform. <----- I don't know where that came from, but probably my mind letting me know that I feel a certain way. Feelings do come from thoughts. Thoughts come from perceptions. Even from the lies we tend to tell ourselves to try to 'justify' feeling the way we do. Some people need to find explanations. At the very end of the book I'm reading, it comes to a part about creating patterns of optimal experiences and creating meaning from these patterns. Sometimes when you think you need an explanation, it's because there could be a hidden meaning. It remains hidden though, until you either discover it, or you create it.
Anyway I'd better try to get some sleep tonight!
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