I can't do this anymore. I can't pretend I'm happy when I'm really not. It hasn't even been a week, but I'm not doing so good. The one person I'm supposed to be able to turn to is my boyfriend and he's not helping me at all. I'm done. To make life a little easier, I'm just going to call it quits. Almost a year, but it's over now. I'm done with this emotional roller coaster called dating because I'm on another emotional roller coaster. Which is worse now because there isn't anyone to help me. It makes me so mad because I tried really hard to make things work, but they are just not working. It feels like nothing in my life is working. I'm so angry because it's so frustrating.
So what? Another 5 years. Fine. I don't even care that I'm single again. I'd rather be single than date someone who never leaves his house. Only comes to see me if he had an appointment that day anyway. Makes excuses for everything. Dating means dating. When was the last time we even went on a date? I thought people got that way after being married for like 10 years... Marriage is not even in my cards. It's not in my future. Good luck to any guy trying to get close to me now. It's not going to happen. If I have to feel like I'm alone... I may as well just be alone. I actually feel less alone when it's just me opposed to being in a relationship where I'm not being heard or understood. I know that I can't rely on others to meet my needs, but I think people should have a significant other to go to when they need some emotional support. That's my idea of what a successful relationship is supposed to be like.
I'm losing my head right now and the guy I've been 'dating', for almost a year, can't get off his ass, get on a bus, come see me to even give me a hug. This makes me feel as though he doesn't care about me. Not one bit. He's been so selfish throughout our relationship. Nothing is ever good enough because he has to say something negative about EVERYTHING. He's had a crappy life but he shouldn't let everything that's ever happened to him affect the way he treats people. Especially me.
I feel good about this decision because I don't have to try to get him to try. I don't have to care if he leaves his house or not, that he won't take me on a date, that he won't come over here. I don't really have to care at all. Which is a nice thing to do for myself at a time like this when he won't help me anyway. Right?
I don't feel like eating, I can't sleep, I'm sitting here in my apartment not really doing much of anything.
I force myself to eat, to sleep, to try to do something. It's only going to be me encouraging me to eat, sleep, do something.
Is it going to be hell for the next 15 years until someone else overdoses? My friend called those idiosyncrasies of my life, the two suicides by overdose. Whatever that is supposed to mean. They say bad things come in 3s. I don't even know what to do right now.
So what? Another 5 years. Fine. I don't even care that I'm single again. I'd rather be single than date someone who never leaves his house. Only comes to see me if he had an appointment that day anyway. Makes excuses for everything. Dating means dating. When was the last time we even went on a date? I thought people got that way after being married for like 10 years... Marriage is not even in my cards. It's not in my future. Good luck to any guy trying to get close to me now. It's not going to happen. If I have to feel like I'm alone... I may as well just be alone. I actually feel less alone when it's just me opposed to being in a relationship where I'm not being heard or understood. I know that I can't rely on others to meet my needs, but I think people should have a significant other to go to when they need some emotional support. That's my idea of what a successful relationship is supposed to be like.
I'm losing my head right now and the guy I've been 'dating', for almost a year, can't get off his ass, get on a bus, come see me to even give me a hug. This makes me feel as though he doesn't care about me. Not one bit. He's been so selfish throughout our relationship. Nothing is ever good enough because he has to say something negative about EVERYTHING. He's had a crappy life but he shouldn't let everything that's ever happened to him affect the way he treats people. Especially me.
I feel good about this decision because I don't have to try to get him to try. I don't have to care if he leaves his house or not, that he won't take me on a date, that he won't come over here. I don't really have to care at all. Which is a nice thing to do for myself at a time like this when he won't help me anyway. Right?
I don't feel like eating, I can't sleep, I'm sitting here in my apartment not really doing much of anything.
I force myself to eat, to sleep, to try to do something. It's only going to be me encouraging me to eat, sleep, do something.
Is it going to be hell for the next 15 years until someone else overdoses? My friend called those idiosyncrasies of my life, the two suicides by overdose. Whatever that is supposed to mean. They say bad things come in 3s. I don't even know what to do right now.
No comments:
Post a Comment