As you may know, this is a first real attempt at dating again after being single for a long time. Dating is supposed to be give and take, not just give, give, give. I'm naturally a giving person, which is probably why I'm not as happy as I'd like to be.
I thought that him moving would make a difference, that he'd realize what he's got with me. I don't think he will ever realize. Every guy I've dated has either cheated on me, or left me for someone else, probably after cheating on me. I'm not saying that he is cheating on me, but I always get this feeling that he at least thinks about it. I think that under certain circumstances, he would. I'm not sure why I feel that way. Probably because he's never been the romantic kind of guy and of all the things in the world, I need romance the most. I always have, always will.
So I keep thinking that if I don't give him what he wants, even if I never get what I want, he'll find someone else who will. That keeps happening to me anyway. It doesn't matter if I'm a nice girl or not, or if I try hard or not. Because there's always going to be someone else who'll be there when I'm not around. Guys get tired of me. They find someone pretty, or smart, or with money. Then that word that they say that they're all about: Loyalty: means nothing.
I don't have proof that there's anything going on, but that gut feeling has been right before. So many times. I thought: "I should trust (name), I'm his girlfriend. He loves me." I've said that so many times just to find out soon afterwards that (name) is sleeping with a friend's sister or whoever.
I feel as though he is hiding something from me. And I know what some people say, that if I think he's hiding something, that means that I am the one hiding something. I have nothing to hide. The only thing I am hiding is that I'm not happy. I've never been good at hiding that.
I thought that him moving would make a difference, that he'd realize what he's got with me. I don't think he will ever realize. Every guy I've dated has either cheated on me, or left me for someone else, probably after cheating on me. I'm not saying that he is cheating on me, but I always get this feeling that he at least thinks about it. I think that under certain circumstances, he would. I'm not sure why I feel that way. Probably because he's never been the romantic kind of guy and of all the things in the world, I need romance the most. I always have, always will.
So I keep thinking that if I don't give him what he wants, even if I never get what I want, he'll find someone else who will. That keeps happening to me anyway. It doesn't matter if I'm a nice girl or not, or if I try hard or not. Because there's always going to be someone else who'll be there when I'm not around. Guys get tired of me. They find someone pretty, or smart, or with money. Then that word that they say that they're all about: Loyalty: means nothing.
I don't have proof that there's anything going on, but that gut feeling has been right before. So many times. I thought: "I should trust (name), I'm his girlfriend. He loves me." I've said that so many times just to find out soon afterwards that (name) is sleeping with a friend's sister or whoever.
I feel as though he is hiding something from me. And I know what some people say, that if I think he's hiding something, that means that I am the one hiding something. I have nothing to hide. The only thing I am hiding is that I'm not happy. I've never been good at hiding that.
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