Man! Oh Fn' Man!!!! I'm tired to the point of all exhaustion of men. I may as well denounce all men because from here and now, I denounce all of them until the RIGHT one comes along. Which, in this frame of mind, could be NEVER, again. This is the last straw. I'm single as of tonight. I'm done. I've had it, but I TRIED up until the very END. It was the first real attempt in 5 years. Am I ever SOOOOOOOO Stupid????? PROBABLY!!! I finally got my STUPID boyfriend of 9 months to admit that I'm not worth as much to him then his COMPUTER is worth to him.... Something I have known for a long time, TRYING to work around, but there is no working around this.
He even tried to make things better. Like, come watch something with me on my computer..... Then I just watch things on my computer.... Mostly Ghost Adventures... (which I'm going to do after I write this blog post, since that is the only comfort these days.... That add knitting.... But who wants to hear about knitting in a blog unless they are going to a blog about knitting? NOBODY!!!!!
Even though it it the only comfort I HAVE right NOW!!!! I feel so crazy desolate..... I feel SOOOO ANGRY TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! REALLY ANGRY. BEYOND ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FURIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!
What comfort do I have beyond my art? I have comfort in half a family. I have my Grandmother, I have my son... My Grandmother is 87 so every day she is alive is a blessing... I'm the only one who realizes that. My son lives with his father now because CA wanted to remove him from my custody. Even though he was my ONE PRIORITY FOR 8 YEARS and STILL IS.
I feel like if nothing changes.... I feel like if it stays the same I DON'T GET ANYWHERE. GETTING SOMEWHERE IS MY JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Having said that.... NOT getting somewhere depresses THE HELL OUT OF ME!!! THE CAPITALS MEAN I'M SCREAMING ON THE INSIDE! WITHOUT SCREAMING AT ALL!!!! BECAUSE I HARDLY EVER ASK FOR ANYTHING AT ALL. I'D RATHER MAKE OTHERS HAPPY THAN MYSELF AND THAT IS WHY I'M UNHAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He even tried to make things better. Like, come watch something with me on my computer..... Then I just watch things on my computer.... Mostly Ghost Adventures... (which I'm going to do after I write this blog post, since that is the only comfort these days.... That add knitting.... But who wants to hear about knitting in a blog unless they are going to a blog about knitting? NOBODY!!!!!
Even though it it the only comfort I HAVE right NOW!!!! I feel so crazy desolate..... I feel SOOOO ANGRY TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! REALLY ANGRY. BEYOND ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FURIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!
What comfort do I have beyond my art? I have comfort in half a family. I have my Grandmother, I have my son... My Grandmother is 87 so every day she is alive is a blessing... I'm the only one who realizes that. My son lives with his father now because CA wanted to remove him from my custody. Even though he was my ONE PRIORITY FOR 8 YEARS and STILL IS.
I feel like if nothing changes.... I feel like if it stays the same I DON'T GET ANYWHERE. GETTING SOMEWHERE IS MY JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Having said that.... NOT getting somewhere depresses THE HELL OUT OF ME!!! THE CAPITALS MEAN I'M SCREAMING ON THE INSIDE! WITHOUT SCREAMING AT ALL!!!! BECAUSE I HARDLY EVER ASK FOR ANYTHING AT ALL. I'D RATHER MAKE OTHERS HAPPY THAN MYSELF AND THAT IS WHY I'M UNHAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
***I WANT EVERYONE TO BE HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND BECAUSE OF THAT, OR AS A RESULT OF THAT, I WANT TO BE HAPPY TOO!!!!!**** Where is MY GOOD KARMA????? I NEED IT!!!! RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!
PLEASE!!! I Don't believe in much, I don't ask for much. I'm more of a person who'd ask for others.... I know some of my friends have been through more than I and they never asked for anything.... EVER... What they went through will cause them to hurt FOREVER and all I ever wanted for them is all that they deserve... They are good people and didn't deserve what happened to them... Even though they seem to be happy now, that sadness lingers. If I could wish for ONE THING ONLY... IS THAT PEOPLE WHO LOSE UNDESERVEDLY WILL NEVER LOSE. There is so much to lose undeservedly... LIVES SHOULD NEVER BE A 'THING' TO LOSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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