I've had a good couple of days. The only thing is the anxiety still gets to me. Just wanted to say that I have been learning to appreciate the little things in life so much more, as I should. It's appreciating the little things that make life good. Well happiness is what makes life good and happiness is a choice. Sometimes I have to keep reminding myself that.
I happened to find out a bit of info about one of the guys in Ghost Adventures. I realize that they have a lot of fans and I'm not going to write anything all idolizing them because they are just real people. It's cool to have fans and have fun with that, but before Ghost Adventures, their fans were their families and friends.
I sort of understand the whole idolizing thing that fans do. For example, no comparisons, THE NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK. They had more fans than they even knew what to do with. I think the youngest guy was 17, Joey. Don't ask how I know about this... Let's just say that the girls in my neighborhood were crazy about The NKOTB to the point of collecting as much memorabilia as they could. They merchandised the heck out of this boy band... It was crazy.
The point I was trying to make is the idolization stuff. It can be kinda creepy. Fame does come at a price, to everyone. There's a tarot card that is about being careful about basking in the lime light because sometimes the one doing the basking can bask for too long.
I was right about one of my guesses. The signs of the zodiac. I was right about one. Makes me think I might be right about the others. It made sense to me because of the attributes associated with the sign itself and with his personality. I can say that I dated a guy who was of the same zodiac sign and he was just so typical that it made me realize that it doesn't match Capricorns. Capricorn is my sign, not his. Just not a match. Not saying I was looking at him as a match. Please don't think I was thinking that. I'm not one to idolize. I look back on the NKOTB days and I realize how stupid idolization is. There isn't anyone to idolize, even if there was, there is no reason for it.
If you are a believer in the 10 commandments it says that we shouldn't idolize anyone. It says that the only idol we should have is GOD.
I'm not going to get religious on here. I'm not even religious. I stopped going to Church a long time ago. I used to go every Sunday with my Grandparents. I may have mentioned that in previous posts.
Anyway, I might start going to Church again, just a new Church where I can start over again. The Church I used to go to has a lot of family tradition attached to it, a lot of family history. I just don't feel comfortable there anymore. I don't feel as though the new minister (even though he's been there since I was 7) really cares about the congregation as a minister should. He knew I was struggling and I wanted to trust him and reach out to him so many times, but he never made the effort to actually show me that he could be there for me in times I needed him. For guidance that I needed. So therefore, I don't feel like I can trust him. Well, I guess for that reason, I can't trust most of the people in my life and I have to start elsewhere and start again.
The reason why I want to start again is that my son is starting to form opinions about religion and that means he needs spiritual guidance. I'm not sure if I'm the right person to guide him in that direction since I need guidance, too. The only reason I'd go to Church again is for my son to have what I used to have, and so that I can have some sort of spiritual sanctuary. I'm just nervous because I never felt like I fit in to any Church. I always felt like an outsider. Even in my own congregation. That's why I left. I never had that sense of belonging anywhere and where, if anywhere, is anyone supposed to belong and feel accepted? At Church. Why is it that I always feel like ministers don't really care? Why is it that I feel like ministers don't make the effort that they should make? Sometimes I feel like it's all about the cash donations to the 'Church' that keep them there and not the people they are supposed to care about?
The reason I feel like this is because of my Grandmother. She spent so many years affiliated with the Church. Her maiden name (in Gaelic) actually means Church. Anyway, ever since she moved to Ottawa after the second world war, she's been going to church every week with my Grandfather. He was baptized in that church and so was I, my son, my aunts, uncle, mother, brothers... They put so much into the church over the years, decades upon decades that there is a Humphries Family Dedication stained glass window for my family in that Church. Not only was my Grandfather highly involved in the church, so was my Great Grandfather, HTC Humphries who came to Canada from England when he was 10.
What I really need is something of a spiritual legacy that my son can be a big part of so that he can have the sense of belonging and acceptance that he deserves. Everyone deserves a chance to have that because it means so much. I know it means more to me than watching some dude take his shirt of at an auction for 700 dollars. I have to admit it was kind of funny. Maybe they can do another fundraiser for charity.
BTW, I had to link a music video for NKOTB because it's hilarious! What is more hilarious is that they had barbie dolls after themselves. Don't tell anyone, but I had one of those! Shhhh! It's supposed to be a secret!
And NO, that's not why I'm dating a guy with the last name Knight. Hahaha. Joking is fun.
I happened to find out a bit of info about one of the guys in Ghost Adventures. I realize that they have a lot of fans and I'm not going to write anything all idolizing them because they are just real people. It's cool to have fans and have fun with that, but before Ghost Adventures, their fans were their families and friends.
I sort of understand the whole idolizing thing that fans do. For example, no comparisons, THE NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK. They had more fans than they even knew what to do with. I think the youngest guy was 17, Joey. Don't ask how I know about this... Let's just say that the girls in my neighborhood were crazy about The NKOTB to the point of collecting as much memorabilia as they could. They merchandised the heck out of this boy band... It was crazy.
The point I was trying to make is the idolization stuff. It can be kinda creepy. Fame does come at a price, to everyone. There's a tarot card that is about being careful about basking in the lime light because sometimes the one doing the basking can bask for too long.
I was right about one of my guesses. The signs of the zodiac. I was right about one. Makes me think I might be right about the others. It made sense to me because of the attributes associated with the sign itself and with his personality. I can say that I dated a guy who was of the same zodiac sign and he was just so typical that it made me realize that it doesn't match Capricorns. Capricorn is my sign, not his. Just not a match. Not saying I was looking at him as a match. Please don't think I was thinking that. I'm not one to idolize. I look back on the NKOTB days and I realize how stupid idolization is. There isn't anyone to idolize, even if there was, there is no reason for it.
If you are a believer in the 10 commandments it says that we shouldn't idolize anyone. It says that the only idol we should have is GOD.
I'm not going to get religious on here. I'm not even religious. I stopped going to Church a long time ago. I used to go every Sunday with my Grandparents. I may have mentioned that in previous posts.
Anyway, I might start going to Church again, just a new Church where I can start over again. The Church I used to go to has a lot of family tradition attached to it, a lot of family history. I just don't feel comfortable there anymore. I don't feel as though the new minister (even though he's been there since I was 7) really cares about the congregation as a minister should. He knew I was struggling and I wanted to trust him and reach out to him so many times, but he never made the effort to actually show me that he could be there for me in times I needed him. For guidance that I needed. So therefore, I don't feel like I can trust him. Well, I guess for that reason, I can't trust most of the people in my life and I have to start elsewhere and start again.
The reason why I want to start again is that my son is starting to form opinions about religion and that means he needs spiritual guidance. I'm not sure if I'm the right person to guide him in that direction since I need guidance, too. The only reason I'd go to Church again is for my son to have what I used to have, and so that I can have some sort of spiritual sanctuary. I'm just nervous because I never felt like I fit in to any Church. I always felt like an outsider. Even in my own congregation. That's why I left. I never had that sense of belonging anywhere and where, if anywhere, is anyone supposed to belong and feel accepted? At Church. Why is it that I always feel like ministers don't really care? Why is it that I feel like ministers don't make the effort that they should make? Sometimes I feel like it's all about the cash donations to the 'Church' that keep them there and not the people they are supposed to care about?
The reason I feel like this is because of my Grandmother. She spent so many years affiliated with the Church. Her maiden name (in Gaelic) actually means Church. Anyway, ever since she moved to Ottawa after the second world war, she's been going to church every week with my Grandfather. He was baptized in that church and so was I, my son, my aunts, uncle, mother, brothers... They put so much into the church over the years, decades upon decades that there is a Humphries Family Dedication stained glass window for my family in that Church. Not only was my Grandfather highly involved in the church, so was my Great Grandfather, HTC Humphries who came to Canada from England when he was 10.
What I really need is something of a spiritual legacy that my son can be a big part of so that he can have the sense of belonging and acceptance that he deserves. Everyone deserves a chance to have that because it means so much. I know it means more to me than watching some dude take his shirt of at an auction for 700 dollars. I have to admit it was kind of funny. Maybe they can do another fundraiser for charity.
BTW, I had to link a music video for NKOTB because it's hilarious! What is more hilarious is that they had barbie dolls after themselves. Don't tell anyone, but I had one of those! Shhhh! It's supposed to be a secret!
And NO, that's not why I'm dating a guy with the last name Knight. Hahaha. Joking is fun.
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