I wasn't done with that post.... But I get cut off.... A lot! But anyways... I'm emotional 50% due to getting of anti-depressants while still dealing with depressing situations... It's hard for both at the same time. I don't want to go back on it but that's all the doctor will do. She'd ask me why I went off those pills in the first place... I just have to learn how to cope without pills. They just chain me to my apartment more than being off them does. I'm getting out more slowly. I need more structure in my life. I need to get out more. Much more.
Anyways... I'll highlight the good parts of today. I met up with JONE today.... He did his shows today and I tagged along. I got harassed by the cops even though I didn't do anything.
It went like this: I met him downtown this afternoon. I don't go downtown much these days. There used to be a time when that's all I could go to... So it seemed, but my Grandmother always took me in.
So... He was with a lady who I really like. She hugs me. It feels nice, genuine kind of nice. I need that GENUINE
So we hung out today a but, Anita had to go back to work. Then we went to the MARKET and he signed in at the busker station. It's messed up though because you get a permit for a year but out of the spring/summer how many good (outside) days would you get? The market is CRAZY on nice sunny days such as these for traffic. Depending on slots available (to sign up for) to busker.
OH! The stupid cops... I was sitting down, knitting, OUTSIDE, YES! and the cops were like...
"Who are you here with?" My friend, JONE.
"Normally you can't sit here." (WHY CAN'T I SIT ANYWHERE I CHOOSE?) I just said I didn't know that.
"Oh, you can sit here, but not for much longer...." Our hour is almost up anyway.
What JERKS! Why couldn't they see I wasn't bothering anyone???? Why couldn't they just left me alone???
STUPID S.O.B's... THAT'S WHAT I THINK!
I always hated cops. Why I went to college for policing and wasted thousands of dollars I haven't even made yet to pay for that f*cking course I will never know! I wanted to prove something, that I could outsmart them somehow. Heck, doesn't even take much. So many cops in Ottawa who couldn't find their own ass with BOTH HANDS! Yeah, I said it. How about THAT!!!! Those are the cops that I have DEALT with who I REALLY WISH I could have 'dealt with' to the point that they saw daylight. As dense as people are, I have dealt with and not 'dealt with' they wouldn't know daylight if it went straight up their arse and came out their mouth. So full of sh*t that they are, nothing would come out their mouth except sh*t anyway. You get the picture. More dense than frozen molasses... Well whatever is more impenetrable than that. Some people say FORT KNOX, I SAY.... You don't wanna know what I'd say to impenetrable.... EVEN THAT WORD SPEAKS FOR ITSELF.
Anyways... I'll highlight the good parts of today. I met up with JONE today.... He did his shows today and I tagged along. I got harassed by the cops even though I didn't do anything.
It went like this: I met him downtown this afternoon. I don't go downtown much these days. There used to be a time when that's all I could go to... So it seemed, but my Grandmother always took me in.
So... He was with a lady who I really like. She hugs me. It feels nice, genuine kind of nice. I need that GENUINE
So we hung out today a but, Anita had to go back to work. Then we went to the MARKET and he signed in at the busker station. It's messed up though because you get a permit for a year but out of the spring/summer how many good (outside) days would you get? The market is CRAZY on nice sunny days such as these for traffic. Depending on slots available (to sign up for) to busker.
OH! The stupid cops... I was sitting down, knitting, OUTSIDE, YES! and the cops were like...
"Who are you here with?" My friend, JONE.
"Normally you can't sit here." (WHY CAN'T I SIT ANYWHERE I CHOOSE?) I just said I didn't know that.
"Oh, you can sit here, but not for much longer...." Our hour is almost up anyway.
What JERKS! Why couldn't they see I wasn't bothering anyone???? Why couldn't they just left me alone???
STUPID S.O.B's... THAT'S WHAT I THINK!
I always hated cops. Why I went to college for policing and wasted thousands of dollars I haven't even made yet to pay for that f*cking course I will never know! I wanted to prove something, that I could outsmart them somehow. Heck, doesn't even take much. So many cops in Ottawa who couldn't find their own ass with BOTH HANDS! Yeah, I said it. How about THAT!!!! Those are the cops that I have DEALT with who I REALLY WISH I could have 'dealt with' to the point that they saw daylight. As dense as people are, I have dealt with and not 'dealt with' they wouldn't know daylight if it went straight up their arse and came out their mouth. So full of sh*t that they are, nothing would come out their mouth except sh*t anyway. You get the picture. More dense than frozen molasses... Well whatever is more impenetrable than that. Some people say FORT KNOX, I SAY.... You don't wanna know what I'd say to impenetrable.... EVEN THAT WORD SPEAKS FOR ITSELF.
5 comments:
Abby, Sorry to hear of your troubles...I hope things work out for you and you get yourself to a place where you're happy. I dunno how all this went down but, you know, sometimes people say things without thinking them through in a situation which is uncomfortable like an argument.
Only you know what's best for you but it might be worthwhile to think about what happened when you're feeling in a better place.
Margo and I argue sometimes and we usually have to take a break from the argument and think about things then come back together and discuss remembering to tell each other how we're feeling and why. I dunno if that would apply to you in this situation or not but it's something that helps us when we're upset about something.
Anyway, again sorry to hear of your troubles but I know you're someone who will bounce back from bad times. You've never given up no matter how hard things get or what curve balls life throws you.
Hi Sean, thanks for your advice, like always. When I need advice I usually ask you. You always have something constructive to offer me and it makes a big difference.
In this situation I was mad about being locked out, and mad that things are not changing at all.
The part where you wrote that I'm someone who bounces back and that I've never given up means a lot because it means a lot to know that someone sees how hard I've been trying all this time.
Thank you, Sean
Well, you didn't really ask for my advice I just kinda offered it but, your post made it sound like you could use some advice and encouraging words so I hope I didn't overstep.
You know, I've been reading your blog since I lived out there. I've read about all the crap that happens to you sometimes. Some you could have avoided, some you couldn't have..that's life but, your blog hasn't really turned into a "venting only experience"
Sure you post a venting post, but at the most a few posts later you're talking about what you're doing and what you want to do...that's resilience - good on ya. Not everyone can do that.
Wow, thanks! I agree with what you say. I could have avoided a lot, but I didn't realize it could have been avoided until after the fact when it was too late. I didn't have to put myself out there and do any of that stupid stuff. And I can honestly admit that some of it I have still yet to learn my lesson from. Other lessons I did learn.
Actually from all the venting I've done in the past, I realized that I can't just vent, I have to move on and if anyone has taught me about looking on the positive side of life, it's been you.
Of course you didn't overstep and offering advice is what good friends do. I'm lucky to have a friend like you.
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