I Want To BE ME!!!

Where were we? Lots has happened since I last wrote here. Just that not sure all the changes going on are the best ones. I'm starting to withdraw within myself more and that is no good. My relationship... I thought it was going well, but I have to re-think things in that department. Maybe I was meant to be a loner. A complete loner. I really don't think he 'gets' me. Not at all. I made sacrifices. I have tried hard andthat is what these things are based on. But no, it is never good enough... You know what? I've never had a successful relationship with any Catholic male. Is that saying something?

We shall see because I am tired of trying so hard for nothing in return. I hate trying for nothing. I hate not progressing. I think I'd rather die than to keep regressing. Instead of progressing. At least progress makes me feel as though something is working. That SOMETHING I have DONE got me SOMEWHERE. But I don't feel like that these days. It's frustrating. Why is looking for love so f*cking hard? When I think I deserve to be loved at some point in my life. REAL LOVE, not some bullshit "I have to change duratically to be with you" kind of love. I can make sacrifices, but I never want to have to sacrifice my individuality to be with anyone. If a guy cannot accept everything about me, that means he simply cannot love me. It shouldn't be my loss. It is his.