What Should I Write?

Hmmm, good question!

Been trying to get used to my new work schedule. I might have a permanent shift on the weekends. Overnight, but still. Work is work. I guess there are worse things. Like not having a job at all.... Urghh... I'm doing damage to my body. My system can barely take anymore abuse!

When I finish my shift, I'm spent. Then I can't sleep when I get home because the sun wants me to go outside and enjoy it. I can't eat, even though I'm hungry... I've lost weight. I know I have and I'm not even trying to. It's getting pretty bad. I have to start shoving food down my throat soon.

Once I get a routine going, it won't be that bad. I just feel so dead all the time, like I'm a walking skeleton or something. I've felt like this before, when I was taking medication. It really wiped me out. I lost weight on it too. The weight loss thing is really freaking me out though. My uniform used to be tighter around my waist. Now, I turn sideways and almost disappear...

I thought I saw my brother at the bus station today. I wanted to stop and talk to him, but he was with a friend and I know how embarrassed he gets when I say hi to him when he's with someone. I don't think he recognized me in my uniform though. He looked a little uptight. Maybe he thought that I was going to bust him. It would have been funny if I pretended to. I thought I was going to have to try to break up a fight last night. I was waiting for this guy to lose it. He was screaming at someone over dope. He kept telling the guy that he knew that he stole his dope. I wasn't in the mood for something to happen. I would have had to step in because people expect you to do something in a uniform. whether you're off duty or not. Lots of people will stop me when I'm off duty and ask me stupid questions. Especially at bus stops! I mean, I don't work for OC Transpo! I wish I could get in there, but I'm too small. I wouldn't have enough weight to push around, to save my life!

Yeah, been writing a lot of poems lately. I think I'm getting better at it. A lot of them pop into my head and some of them I have to work on. I'll lose my train of thought and have to think of what to write next, but they flow nicely, so I have been told. I let a few of my friends read some of the new ones. Some they liked better than others. Some I liked better than others. And of course there are a few that make guys want to take cold showers and those are the ones I try hard to keep to myself. I guess I'm sort of shy when it comes down to what I really feel about the subject.

I was reading the newspaper and one article made me laugh so hard!

In Kingston, a 19 year old male went into a xxx shop and stole a pocket pussy. He was caught 10 minutes later and he had already used it! Imagine! 10 minutes! I've heard of guys being quick like that before, but it just doesn't seem right. I guess the guy knew he was going to get caught and the rush of getting caught did it for him.

I laugh at guys who say that they can last hours.... Especially when push comes to shove and they don't. It's funny and sort of sad that they overestimate themselves... Not that I could last hours. At least I know well enough to admit it!

Well, better try to get some sleep (if I can fall asleep). I should try to eat something too
I've wanted to eat, just seems like too much work when you're exhausted.
Cooking, chewing, swallowing... It seems like it requires a lot of energy.

Au revoir mes amis!