Getting Set Up

Well, I went to my meeting today and I'm definately getting more out of that arrangement that I had expected. My hours seem to be going down even more on my first job so I am glad that I have a back up root. I am going to give them my notice tomorrow. Then I will only have two weeks of working double shifts. And I have some more interesting news. I just learned today that my resume has been forwarded to a security company. So I might be getting an even better job with benifits if that works out. Otherwise I will just stick to what I have got now. I don't want to take on too much, but a security job doing events or weekends or something and working nights as a cleaner would suit me fine. I might even just go part time as a cleaner and try to get something on a full time basis as a security guard. I don't know yet. I haven't heard from the security company yet so I'll just put that information on the back burner. I guess good things happen to those who wait. Who knows... Maybe something else will happen for me too. I might get a date or something. The last guy to offer to take me out is engaged so it wouldn't be an actual date, but maybe he has a single friend. I don't know. Maybe wishful thinking. It seems that the guys that I'm interested in are already taken. Irony is so cruel.

I met with my agent and she is a nice woman. Very down to earth and encouraging. I like her. I tried to make eye contact. Something that is hard for me to do is look a stranger in the eyes. I am also going through withdrawl pretty badly today and that makes it even harder to concentrate and just function. I have to work tonight too, so that's going to be interesting. Hopefully I have an emergency pill saved up for such a day like today. That would help a lot. I will be getting everything worked out though. I'm going to try to put some money away for my next big leap of faith. I don't think my original plan is going to work out. It just seemed like a lot of talk... I don't know what's going to happen from one day to the next but things are looking up lately. I feel pretty good, despite not having my medication. When I get my medication I can regulate my moods and I'll feel even better.

One thing that I'm going to do in the meantime is start working out. I noticed that I sleep better and I feel better if I work out before bed. Even if it is just pulses and stretches. It still makes me feel better. I would be on top of the world if I found something real, but as for now, work keeps my mind off the lack of dating opportunities and not having a boyfriend. Maybe it is for the best. I can't really say. Being alone makes me feel so empty inside, but it doesn't hurt as much as it used to because I'm able to go out and work. When I used to have free time on my hands, it would bother me more. I guess because I had so much time to waste day dreaming and I saw that people were happy in their relationships. It really got to me. I used to say that I could never get a job and now I have 2 jobs and a possibility of yet another job after I quit one of them. It has given me a bit of confidence. It makes me think that if I can do this, I could get a date one of these days with a guy who actually wanted a relationship, a guy who'd call me, who would actually want to get to know me... I just have to wait for that, just like I had to wait for this job. Everything has started to fall into place and it is just a matter of time and patience.