Been Doing Some Thinking....

I have had some problems lately, but that doesn't mean that I'll never find solutions. I realize that I'm not giving myself credit for the things I have done to try to have a better life. Although relationships can be nice to have, they can be stressful and complicated. I don't need any more complications. I'm still trying to figure out some things in my life. It is going to take a long time. Nothing ever happened in just one day.

I have a few options. Even if they don't present themselves right away, there are still options. I don't know what I should do. I only know what I could do. I am scared of change because it takes so long to accept. I want to change as a person. It's about time that I learn the skills I've lacked for so long, all the skills that I should have by now. I want to be the person that I want to be. I don't think I could ever be that graceful or elegant.

Although I haven't been taking my medication, I have been coping well. I still get tired. I still feel trapped at times and the medication was working. I just can't pay for it. I'm trying to get off it but I have to take what little I have left because sometimes I get these weird feelings like in my head where things slow down a bit and it takes over my whole body. It's hard to describe it. Like drags or whatever. I know it's the medication that does it. The doctor warned me about it. When it gets bad I have to take a pill. Other than that I don't take them. When I was dating, I stopped taking them, thinking that I didn't need them anymore. I was happy, but now I think that I probably do need them. I just can't get them. It's weird. I thought that when I got a job that I would have money for the things I needed. I don't. It gets me thinking that I might never have enough money just to break even. Only time will tell if I'll ever get to a place in my life that I don't have to ever worry about anything. It would be nice. It would be nice for everyone to have security.