Unfairness

It's been a year. Not over, yet, but still...
A lot has happened in the last week, even.

I feel so tired in my soul that I don't think sleep will do it.
Exhausted. But on a deep, deep, deep level.

I don't know if I wrote about it, 
but my son did come to see me and we did talk.

Just that this year has been up and down.  
At least I have mood stabilizers, I guess.



Lost of trust and drained of faith...
But I hope that next year will be better.

A lot on my mind and hard to put things into words...
Maybe when I have more energy for it.

Was trying to help someone out who didn't appreciate it.
It takes seconds to say but has to be shown.

Can't be shown with taking a baseball bat to an antique mirror.
That's for sure. And yes, the anger for that was absolutely there.





In the end, it's just an object that has sentimental value...
Would have been nice if I was able to pass that down to someone.

Anyway... One less thing. In life.

Just feel sad that "this is what I get" feeling.
Keeps coming and going.
Even though it wasn't to get something. 
It was about doing something.



Years and years ago, someone helped me out
by giving me a place to stay long enough to get off drugs.

Probably helped me in more ways than one...
So I think of the guy from time to time.

I know his intentions were good
even though his motives weren't completely pure.



My motives were there. Just didn't get what I had hoped for.
But now I have the time to put towards other things.
I have to do the work on myself.
Lots more to think about now.



I hope next year will bring in new things.
Maybe the rest of this year is going into rest mode.




I'm hoping to try to get on a better track with my son
and work on my various projects.

Also, focus on my healing and my health.




I guess the exhaustion from processing stuff.
Maybe a lot of emotional baggage to work through.