Skill Assessment

Tomorrow is a skill assessment thing. I'm nervous
because my skills are not even really all that basic.
That's part of why I got into the program so that I could learn.
I just really hope that the others don't have to know.
It would be very embarrassing. Like today was...
Having to sit down and wait while everyone was lining up to get breakfast.
I was just about to get mine when Chef ordered me to go sit down.
In front of a bunch of people. It was embarrassing.
Yes, I had an emotional reaction to this.
I tried not to let it show, but it was coming out.
I feel like I need to go do this thing before I go to the kitchen tomorrow.
It will probably help me feel better. Being closer to this thing.
I'm nervous about all of this. Travelling makes me anxious.
Preparing to travel makes me anxious.
Especially when I'm running out of time to prepare.

The next time, I'm going to be prepared. I'd rather have money saved up.
I don't have any money saved up.
So the stress is getting to me, as much as lack of sleep,
and not eating as much as I should be.

It's really a test of faith. That I'm doubting too much.
I just want to get through this and I will.
I just really want to get ahead in my life. I'm tired.
Of struggling so much all the time.
And I don't want my health to hold me back.
I'm not even pushing myself as hard as I could be.
I just think it's a blood pressure thing, which is connected to my heart.
Just trying to make this work. Trying to make it all work
and trying to keep my head above water. Which is hard.
Not impossible, but hard.