In the kitchen we joke around. Some jokes are funnier than others.
Some things that are said just slip out.
One guy I work with... He said: "Behind!"
Which is what we have to say when we're behind someone.
To let them know that they are passing behind them.
Because most people are so wrapped up in their tasks.
So I jokingly said: "You're not allowed to be behind me anymore."
To which he says: "I heard you like it from behind."
And he's lucky I don't take offense when I know things are supposed to be jokes.
He apologized for taking it "too far."
So I just said: "I don't know who keeps telling you these things about me."
Not that it's true, but it was a save. Because Chef was right there.
That's a type of filter. Because we get to choose what we get offended by.
Today, I got a message to which I didn't know what to respond.
So I haven't responded to it.
This morning, I kept thinking about it.
I was kind of upset. I kept thinking judgmental thoughts, at first.
So I'm glad I didn't say anything.
I don't want to say something I might want to take back.
I was cutting bread most of the day for the garlic bread.
Then a volunteer was spreading garlic butter on them,
but then he got tired of it so I had to do it after lunch.
I didn't even get to finish it. There was a lot more left.
If he hadn't of quit, I might have gotten through more of it.
Also, if I hadn't almost passed out, I could have done more.
But I guess it's not all about what we could have done,
it's about what we actually got done...
Well, I guess that depends on how we look at it, too.
It's the effort that counts...
We're all there doing the best we can with what we've got.
Trying to filter some of my thoughts.
They aren't helping me.
The thoughts about the mistakes I've made
that I'm still having a hard time forgiving myself for.
Thoughts like I don't deserve to have anything good in my life etc.
But sometimes I think that I don't have to pay for it for the rest of my life.
Maybe running away like a coward was the path of least resistance.
Even though it wasn't the 'right' thing to do.
Even though it was hurtful.
Even though I caused pain to someone I loved.
Maybe some good things can still happen to me.
Some things have happened since then. My life will go on.
Even though I had that weak moment that I did a stupid thing.
Even though I wanted to apologize for that.
I had an intense experience where I got to.
I imagined the conditions where I got to apologize and
that my apology was accepted.
That I was finally forgiven for that.
It was very emotional. I cried all night.
That's why the imagination is important.
We can create favorable conditions
and have responses to those.
As though it is happening for real.
Some things that are said just slip out.
One guy I work with... He said: "Behind!"
Which is what we have to say when we're behind someone.
To let them know that they are passing behind them.
Because most people are so wrapped up in their tasks.
So I jokingly said: "You're not allowed to be behind me anymore."
To which he says: "I heard you like it from behind."
And he's lucky I don't take offense when I know things are supposed to be jokes.
He apologized for taking it "too far."
So I just said: "I don't know who keeps telling you these things about me."
Not that it's true, but it was a save. Because Chef was right there.
That's a type of filter. Because we get to choose what we get offended by.
Today, I got a message to which I didn't know what to respond.
So I haven't responded to it.
This morning, I kept thinking about it.
I was kind of upset. I kept thinking judgmental thoughts, at first.
So I'm glad I didn't say anything.
I don't want to say something I might want to take back.
I was cutting bread most of the day for the garlic bread.
Then a volunteer was spreading garlic butter on them,
but then he got tired of it so I had to do it after lunch.
I didn't even get to finish it. There was a lot more left.
If he hadn't of quit, I might have gotten through more of it.
Also, if I hadn't almost passed out, I could have done more.
But I guess it's not all about what we could have done,
it's about what we actually got done...
Well, I guess that depends on how we look at it, too.
It's the effort that counts...
We're all there doing the best we can with what we've got.
Trying to filter some of my thoughts.
They aren't helping me.
The thoughts about the mistakes I've made
that I'm still having a hard time forgiving myself for.
Thoughts like I don't deserve to have anything good in my life etc.
But sometimes I think that I don't have to pay for it for the rest of my life.
Maybe running away like a coward was the path of least resistance.
Even though it wasn't the 'right' thing to do.
Even though it was hurtful.
Even though I caused pain to someone I loved.
Maybe some good things can still happen to me.
Some things have happened since then. My life will go on.
Even though I had that weak moment that I did a stupid thing.
Even though I wanted to apologize for that.
I had an intense experience where I got to.
I imagined the conditions where I got to apologize and
that my apology was accepted.
That I was finally forgiven for that.
It was very emotional. I cried all night.
That's why the imagination is important.
We can create favorable conditions
and have responses to those.
As though it is happening for real.
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