Feeling IT

Someone told me about a dream they had
where they felt really good, like they never knew they could feel.
It's possible to feel IT, but the thing is that there's no resistance in sleeping.
We're open to experiencing things we have not when we're awake.
Because when we are awake, so much comes into our awareness
then we react to it, by thinking about it and feeling how we feel about it.
If our path of least resistance is when we are asleep,
then that is our path to least resistance.
Feeling like we never thought we could. Is an indication.
It's not a result. But I can't talk to anyone about this
because they have their fixed ideas and beliefs,
and their own interests etc. Which is fine. I still have mine, too.
But it is possible to leave that all behind and become
so foward focused that nothing in the past matters as much.
Matters as much as expanding, growing, evolving.
But it is hard to reach IT. I know it is.
It's hard until it becomes easier and easier.
To feel good no matter what happens.

And it isn't about ignoring what is going on.
It's just about choosing to focus on something else.
Because we can't hold more than one thing at a time.
We can only have one thought at a time.
So we can either think about something that bothers us,
and just let it bother us, or think about something else.

We can think about not having something we want,
or we can think about having that or something we already have.

We can think about the things that we enjoy.
Swimming, feeding th birds, taking walks in beautiful places,
how that feels instead of how other things feel.
Because they don't feel as good as the things that we enjoy.

Like how I keep thinking about things that I haven't enjoyed.
Things I've done. Mistakes I've made and I keep looking back on that.
Wondering what my life would look like had I not done those things.
But would I have gotten to this point had I not done those things?
Would I been deeper in my dissatisfaction had things stayed the same?

I had to grow, I had to learn, I had to screw it all up.
I had to f*ck up, royally. So that I won't do those things again.
Otherwise I wouldn't have learned. I wouldn't have grown.
I wouldn't have changed as a person or changed my life.
I wouldn't have changed my outlook, or any of that.
But then I ask myself how much have I actually changed?
And others might look at me and say that I haven't changed at all.
Because they still look at me the same way they always have.
But that doesn't mean I have to look at myself the same way I always have.

I know it is tempting, because it is a habit, but it's not necessary.

I still have so many habits to break.
But they are harder to break when you don't realize what they are.
That's where self-awareness comes in and does its thing.
I've written about observation before when it comes to this stuff.
Watch, look, examine, reflect... All of this helps.
So much more than we think it does.
So much more than we realize.

I'll tell you why. Because there are so many things we've never considered.
Since we've been so focused on doing the things
that put us in our own way. I speak from experience.
If there's one thing I'm really good at, it is getting in my own way.
We only do what we know how to do, right?
We can't do what we don't know how to do until we learn how.

This is why this stuff is important to me,
but I get away from it often and have a hard time finding my way back to it.
Because too much comes up and demands my attention.
I often forget what I'm supposed to be paying attention to, spiritually.
Which happens a lot to people who are still learning.
We tend to oscilate from the old to the new, back and forth.
Like a foot in both worlds. Until we choose a side and stick to it.
Once we do, there is no reason to go back.
But it's at that point we no longer see the reasons to go back.
We stop doing things automatically,
and start doing things automatically.

When we start feeling IT, we don't need the things that we thought we needed
to feel good. Because those things were distractions
from the things that don't feel good.
So instead of distractions, we start using attractions.
Attractions to thoughts that feel good,
attractions to certain perceptions, outlooks, attitudes, etc.
All things that help us align in a way that we are not resisting anything.

Those guilt feelings I keep getting is because I am resisting my own opinion
of myself and of my past actions. I'm resisting my own judgments.
I was taught to judge by those who were taught to judge.
All the things we were taught, we can be untaught.
We can unlearn so much by learning so much more.

Anyway, I really need to go eat something.