There's Something

Before I started meditating, thoughts kept coming up.
It started with something someone said:
"You are the Alpha and Omega."
It was something that was part of a post he wrote.
Which ended in that statement.

Which started me on thinking about groundhogs.
There were a few in a park my ex and I used to feed.
One main one, I forget what we named him, but it started with G.
We went to go feed him one day and he was dead. It was sad.

There were a couple we named Alpha and Omega.
They live up in the gardens by the sundial.
That's how I started getting thinking about that.

Anyway, I had to say "Thanks for sharing,"
Because I wanted that thought stream to stop
so that I could meditate.

Today, I "saw" my old neighborhood where I used to live with my Grandparents.
(There's a Christmas story, I'll get to it after this.)

I saw a younger version of myself hanging out in the garage.
I used to love to just hang out in the garage. Tinkering with stuff,
I went out there to smoke, too.

There were a bunch of guys I hung out with when I lived there.
I've always been a tom-boy and liked hanging out with the guys
over hanging out with the girls. I never really felt like I fit in with the girls.
A lot of these guys I went to school with at some point.
If we didn't go to the same school in junior high, we met back up in high school.
I used to watch them play hockey at the rink and road hockey.
They never asked if I wanted to play.

Back before this, I used to want to play basketball with the guys from the hood,
but they didn't let me play and I used to get so mad about that.

So anyway, in my meditation, I saw myself walking up to someone's old house.
Ringing the bell and asking his mother to give him a letter.
No idea where he is now, only that he's teaching up at the high school
and I don't want to go there and be like "hey, remember me?"

I also got a message with this meditation:
"There's something here for you, come see what it is."
I haven't gone to that neighborhood in a long time.

So this Christmas story....
I may have written it a long time ago, but I'll write it again.
My Grandfather passed away 2 days before Christmas.
That was the first Christmas that didn't feel like Christmas.
My family came from out of town, though, and they were here for Christmas.
His funeral was on Boxing Day.
That's the first part of the story....

The second part...  I wanted to cheer up my Grandmother the next year.
I bought a tree, just a small one, from the gas station up by the mall.
I dragged it a sled alongside the river all the way home.
I hid it in the garage and when my Grandmother went out,
I called up my mother to ask her to send my brother over
to help me get the tree in the house and to decorate it
before my Grandmother got back, to surprise her.

So he came over, helped me get it in the house,
helped me get it set up and my Grandmother was surprised.

The only thing was... We couldn't get the lights to light.
We checked them, all of them. Still nothing.
We left it plugged in anyway, on the chance they'd turn on.

So we both came down stairs on Christmas Day and the lights were on!
I always felt like it was my Grandfather who wanted to be in on the surprise.

Anyway, I hope everyone has a good day, today.