"Energy flows where attention goes"
So when we take our attention away from it,
we aren't giving our energy to it anymore.
Been thinking a lot about thoughts and emotions lately.
I keep having challenges when doing my morning ritual thing.
Because my mind still wanders and certain thoughts keep coming up.
Disappointments from my past. Things I would have liked if they had turned out
another way. Like "So and so came back to town and didn't tell me."
"I'm not close to so and so anymore."
"This is what they're probably thinking and saying about me,
(insert negative thought)."
A bunch of stuff like that. And I'm aware that I don't have to
get involved with these thoughts, they are just thoughts.
They keep pulling me not only to get involved,
but to get emotionally engaged. I know I don't have to.
The habit is to get involved and emotionally engaged.
To get angry when thoughts (certain memories) come up.
Again, I don't have to get angry, or upset, or anything.
All of those things are in the past.
They only have an effect on me if I let it have an effect on me.
When we get involved and engage... We're creating momentum.
But we can RESET by taking our attention away.
By creating momentum in the other direction.
Which I was doing today, but a couple things came up...
A couple instances where I felt like a couple people were trying
to manipulate me emotionally.
Like I wasn't feeding them emotionally so they tried to pull it out of me.
And I did have somewhat of a reaction to this.
I resisted it because it didn't feel good.
Feeling like they expected too much from me.
And I kind of wanted to judge them a bit for doing that.
But judgment reveals something unhealed within me.
Instead of chalking it up to an observation,
I got involved to a degree and I got emotionally engaged, briefly.
Because I didn't like the way that it felt.
But those were their reactions to the way they felt.
Which has nothing to do with me, but they tried to make it seem
like their feelings depended on what they wanted to get from me.
I didn't give them the reaction they wanted.
Which probably 'made' them feel bad, but I'm not responsible for how they feel.
Yet people still try to 'make' me responsible for how they feel.
Which doesn't feel very good,
although I don't have to feel any particular way about it.
It was an emotional reaction to others trying to elicit
an emotional response from me because they wanted to feel good.
An observation:
The people who think others 'make' them feel any particular way
think that they can 'make' people feel any particular way.
So the people who allow themselves to be manipulated
feel that they also can manipulate.
Like when people try to 'make' themselves feel 'better'
by trying to 'make' me feel 'bad.'
It gets chalked up to their habits
on relying on others to feel good about themselves.
Which is a common habit. I used to rely on that more.
I used to want certain things from certain people, emotionally.
I used to get upset because those things weren't forthcoming.
I used to try to elicit certain emotional responses, too.
Sometimes successfully, other times not.
But the more I rely on myself for my own emotional responses,
the more I realize that I do not have to rely on anyone for those.
I realized that certain thoughts feel better than others.
Thoughts about potential, growth, learning, moving forward.
So I tend to focus on those and the changes I want to make.
I get that people get lonely, but the more people try to emotionally manipulate,
the less I want to be around those people. The more I want to be alone.
It's true that people aren't being taught how to deal with their emotions.
That they aren't being taught that they can rely on themselves to feel better.
It took me a really long time to learn this. I focused externally for so long.
For too long, actually, but I wasn't aware that what I was doing wasn't working.
I wasn't even aware that it had anything to do with what I was doing
or what I wasn't doing. When I realized that, I realized I have to work on this.
I still have yet to find a good teacher outside of books and things like this.
Because it is very rare to find someone who is balanced enough
to teach me balance. Not only how to achieve it, but to maintain it.
It's so easy to revert and resort to old past tactics and such.
It's not like I can just go to the people I know and say....
"I'm working on this thing and I'm struggling with this..."
Because the people I know are not working on what I'm working on
and have never worked on what I'm working on.
So how can I ask them and even hope for the answers I seek?
Then I try to explain to people why dating isn't important to me right now.
And I try to explain why I'm working on what I'm working on.
They don't seem to understand why this is important and why dating isn't.
Like "you're supposed to get all those good feeling from dating."
I thought that I was, but it isn't the case. Others have nothing to do with it.
People who keep looking externally... They don't understand.
I can't expect them to understand and I don't.
Sometimes I don't know why I keep trying to explain
What it is I'm doing and why I am doing it,
and why I'm not doing the things I used to do.
There are a lot of emotional skills. It's not just whether we feel good or bad.
It does have to do with the ability to regulate, but not just that either.
Coping, handling, controlling etc.
It isn't about comparing myself to others,
but I have observed that I do have some stronger skills than some I know.
I think it is because I didn't form the same habits that they did.
And that is pretty much one of the only reasons.
Like people can be so smart, intellectually...
But so... Just plain uneducated emotionally.
It's not about being 'dumb' emotionally. It's just not being educated.
Not being educated has nothing to do with being either smart or dumb.
It just means they don't have the information
that they may have the ability to use had they gotten the information.
Which only requires learning it. Acquiring it. Understanding it.
It's true that some people might not have the capacity to understand it,
but the information is still out there.
It takes a lot of work. Learning this stuff, applying it.
Changing the rules by which we live our daily lives...
But this is the foundation on which stability is built.
We have to create our own stability.
We have to build upon what we already have.
Otherwise we will not strengthen what we already have.
Or improve or change or grow in any way whatsoever.
I don't have to keep living the way I've been living, internally.
Which means I have to make internal changes.
Which isn't easy, but it is so worth it.
When a foundation is laid right, it will last and last and last.
Just look at the ancient roman buildings... They are partially still standing.
Would they still be around if they had sh*tty foundations?
So when we take our attention away from it,
we aren't giving our energy to it anymore.
Been thinking a lot about thoughts and emotions lately.
I keep having challenges when doing my morning ritual thing.
Because my mind still wanders and certain thoughts keep coming up.
Disappointments from my past. Things I would have liked if they had turned out
another way. Like "So and so came back to town and didn't tell me."
"I'm not close to so and so anymore."
"This is what they're probably thinking and saying about me,
(insert negative thought)."
A bunch of stuff like that. And I'm aware that I don't have to
get involved with these thoughts, they are just thoughts.
They keep pulling me not only to get involved,
but to get emotionally engaged. I know I don't have to.
The habit is to get involved and emotionally engaged.
To get angry when thoughts (certain memories) come up.
Again, I don't have to get angry, or upset, or anything.
All of those things are in the past.
They only have an effect on me if I let it have an effect on me.
When we get involved and engage... We're creating momentum.
But we can RESET by taking our attention away.
By creating momentum in the other direction.
Which I was doing today, but a couple things came up...
A couple instances where I felt like a couple people were trying
to manipulate me emotionally.
Like I wasn't feeding them emotionally so they tried to pull it out of me.
And I did have somewhat of a reaction to this.
I resisted it because it didn't feel good.
Feeling like they expected too much from me.
And I kind of wanted to judge them a bit for doing that.
But judgment reveals something unhealed within me.
Instead of chalking it up to an observation,
I got involved to a degree and I got emotionally engaged, briefly.
Because I didn't like the way that it felt.
But those were their reactions to the way they felt.
Which has nothing to do with me, but they tried to make it seem
like their feelings depended on what they wanted to get from me.
I didn't give them the reaction they wanted.
Which probably 'made' them feel bad, but I'm not responsible for how they feel.
Yet people still try to 'make' me responsible for how they feel.
Which doesn't feel very good,
although I don't have to feel any particular way about it.
It was an emotional reaction to others trying to elicit
an emotional response from me because they wanted to feel good.
An observation:
The people who think others 'make' them feel any particular way
think that they can 'make' people feel any particular way.
So the people who allow themselves to be manipulated
feel that they also can manipulate.
Like when people try to 'make' themselves feel 'better'
by trying to 'make' me feel 'bad.'
It gets chalked up to their habits
on relying on others to feel good about themselves.
Which is a common habit. I used to rely on that more.
I used to want certain things from certain people, emotionally.
I used to get upset because those things weren't forthcoming.
I used to try to elicit certain emotional responses, too.
Sometimes successfully, other times not.
But the more I rely on myself for my own emotional responses,
the more I realize that I do not have to rely on anyone for those.
I realized that certain thoughts feel better than others.
Thoughts about potential, growth, learning, moving forward.
So I tend to focus on those and the changes I want to make.
I get that people get lonely, but the more people try to emotionally manipulate,
the less I want to be around those people. The more I want to be alone.
It's true that people aren't being taught how to deal with their emotions.
That they aren't being taught that they can rely on themselves to feel better.
It took me a really long time to learn this. I focused externally for so long.
For too long, actually, but I wasn't aware that what I was doing wasn't working.
I wasn't even aware that it had anything to do with what I was doing
or what I wasn't doing. When I realized that, I realized I have to work on this.
I still have yet to find a good teacher outside of books and things like this.
Because it is very rare to find someone who is balanced enough
to teach me balance. Not only how to achieve it, but to maintain it.
It's so easy to revert and resort to old past tactics and such.
It's not like I can just go to the people I know and say....
"I'm working on this thing and I'm struggling with this..."
Because the people I know are not working on what I'm working on
and have never worked on what I'm working on.
So how can I ask them and even hope for the answers I seek?
Then I try to explain to people why dating isn't important to me right now.
And I try to explain why I'm working on what I'm working on.
They don't seem to understand why this is important and why dating isn't.
Like "you're supposed to get all those good feeling from dating."
I thought that I was, but it isn't the case. Others have nothing to do with it.
People who keep looking externally... They don't understand.
I can't expect them to understand and I don't.
Sometimes I don't know why I keep trying to explain
What it is I'm doing and why I am doing it,
and why I'm not doing the things I used to do.
There are a lot of emotional skills. It's not just whether we feel good or bad.
It does have to do with the ability to regulate, but not just that either.
Coping, handling, controlling etc.
It isn't about comparing myself to others,
but I have observed that I do have some stronger skills than some I know.
I think it is because I didn't form the same habits that they did.
And that is pretty much one of the only reasons.
Like people can be so smart, intellectually...
But so... Just plain uneducated emotionally.
It's not about being 'dumb' emotionally. It's just not being educated.
Not being educated has nothing to do with being either smart or dumb.
It just means they don't have the information
that they may have the ability to use had they gotten the information.
Which only requires learning it. Acquiring it. Understanding it.
It's true that some people might not have the capacity to understand it,
but the information is still out there.
It takes a lot of work. Learning this stuff, applying it.
Changing the rules by which we live our daily lives...
But this is the foundation on which stability is built.
We have to create our own stability.
We have to build upon what we already have.
Otherwise we will not strengthen what we already have.
Or improve or change or grow in any way whatsoever.
I don't have to keep living the way I've been living, internally.
Which means I have to make internal changes.
Which isn't easy, but it is so worth it.
When a foundation is laid right, it will last and last and last.
Just look at the ancient roman buildings... They are partially still standing.
Would they still be around if they had sh*tty foundations?
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