Guilt Feelings

So there's a lady who lives in my building
who was trying to get too close to me.
She was trying to take a lot of my time, calling me early,
asking me to do all kinds of things for her,
and her energy was... I don't know how to describe it.
Just really focused on a lot of negative things etc.
I had to tell her that I wanted to take my time for myself.
Been trying to avoid her and although that seems mean,
I don't really see any other way.
She clung to me in a way that was pretty uncomfortable.

I saw her at the mall today, and she was looking at her phone
so I thought she wouldn't notice me, but she did
and she made a comment after I had passed her.
I didn't hear exactly what she said, but it wasn't needed.
The last time I saw her before this, I had said hi,
but she just didn't say anything, looked me in the eyes, made a face,
so I just kept walking.

It just seems that certain people cannot accept that I am not and will not
be the way they think I 'should' be or want me to be.
She called me to help her with picking lint off her socks (sigh).
I have better things to do with my time than that.
Also, she was trying to guilt me the last time I was at her place.
Just like she was trying to do with the comment she made.

A friend told me that she sensed her energy from the things I told her
about how she was acting with me when we talked about it.
Called her an 'energy vampire.'
Even now, I'm using energy writing about this
when I could be doing something else....

At first, I had a really strong feeling, right after that 'encounter.'
One I didn't like. Like a guilt feeling, but it was worse than that.
I had to remind myself that I do not owe her anything.
And I do not have to feel the way I was feeling.
I tried just to let that feeling pass and focus on what I was there to do.

It's that people try to use me and then react to me not letting them.
It's not just her, it's other people, too.
Like "I'll be nice to her so that I can use her."
They may not even realize that's what they are doing.
For a long time, I let people take advantage of me. I don't have to.
But when I stop letting them take advantage of me, they get mad.
Like how dare I have a life of my own!
"But... I was nice to her! How dare she not want to be in my life!"

Anyway, I had that emotional reaction at that encounter
because I wasn't prepared for that encounter.
Also, it is an emotional memory. I felt that way,
because it was triggered by the way I felt after some such experience.
I'm getting better at the "I don't have to feel this way" stuff.
Even though I still get that feeling, I can let it go faster.
How I felt was a common reaction. I've felt that way lots of times.
It wasn't unique to this situation. It didn't last as long as it usually does.
Because I was aware of it and aware I didn't need it.
I don't need to feel guilty about things I don't need to feel guilty about.
I have enough guilt feelings about other things
that I actually ought to feel guilty about.