Been a while since I wrote. Been sick. Tired. Being sick has a way of drawing all the energy out of the body. Hard to get it back to the right level.
But been thinking about things. Some things that people have told me recently.
Strange how certain words can have certain effects. Even effects that were unintentional.
How the right things can happen at the wrong times.
How the wrong things can happen at the right times.
How rare it is when things actually go right at the right times...
How often things go wrong at the wrong times.
Yet everything that happens... Happens for reasons. Happens the exact way they are supposed to.
I know that things are happening because I can handle them.
Or because I need to LEARN how to handle them.
That there are certain lessons I need to learn.
Even though the situation never just hands you a card that has the right words to say
Or instructions on what to do next.
Part of me feels like I made mistakes and I'm in this because I made mistakes.
I don't know how to fix them. When you get in too deep, it's harder to get out.
Doubt comes in just to mess with us. Keeps us from figuring out a way to get out.
I've known this for a while, but it's hard to completely eliminate the doubt.
Uncertainty creates the most doubt.
I know what I need to focus on, and what I need to be doing.
I lost most of the momentum I had earlier in the year.
Maybe too many distractions.
The thing with distractions is that they can't distract us...
...Unless we let them. I have.
Now that I wandered off my path... How do I get back?
I lead myself astray with all kinds of thoughts.
All kinds of 'what ifs', 'buts,' started dreaming again.
Had my heart on my sleeve again and my head in the clouds.
I kept telling myself that I want to stop doing those things.
They are counter-productive. Even unproductive.
I need to find that path again, and get back on it.
It's like I'm at a fork in the road now. Been sitting at the junction. Waiting.
I don't know what path to take.
One leads to an island surrounded by shark infested water.
The other leads to another island, a lot further away.
I'm certain that there are treasures on both islands. Either could be a win.
But choosing one path means I can't go back and take the other.
I want to choose the right path.
I'm damned if I do, and damned if I don't.
My heart says to go for one, my brain tells me to go for the other.
I wish things had happened differently. I see where I went wrong, but I can't fix it.
But been thinking about things. Some things that people have told me recently.
Strange how certain words can have certain effects. Even effects that were unintentional.
How the right things can happen at the wrong times.
How the wrong things can happen at the right times.
How rare it is when things actually go right at the right times...
How often things go wrong at the wrong times.
Yet everything that happens... Happens for reasons. Happens the exact way they are supposed to.
I know that things are happening because I can handle them.
Or because I need to LEARN how to handle them.
That there are certain lessons I need to learn.
Even though the situation never just hands you a card that has the right words to say
Or instructions on what to do next.
Part of me feels like I made mistakes and I'm in this because I made mistakes.
I don't know how to fix them. When you get in too deep, it's harder to get out.
Doubt comes in just to mess with us. Keeps us from figuring out a way to get out.
I've known this for a while, but it's hard to completely eliminate the doubt.
Uncertainty creates the most doubt.
I know what I need to focus on, and what I need to be doing.
I lost most of the momentum I had earlier in the year.
Maybe too many distractions.
The thing with distractions is that they can't distract us...
...Unless we let them. I have.
Now that I wandered off my path... How do I get back?
I lead myself astray with all kinds of thoughts.
All kinds of 'what ifs', 'buts,' started dreaming again.
Had my heart on my sleeve again and my head in the clouds.
I kept telling myself that I want to stop doing those things.
They are counter-productive. Even unproductive.
I need to find that path again, and get back on it.
It's like I'm at a fork in the road now. Been sitting at the junction. Waiting.
I don't know what path to take.
One leads to an island surrounded by shark infested water.
The other leads to another island, a lot further away.
I'm certain that there are treasures on both islands. Either could be a win.
But choosing one path means I can't go back and take the other.
I want to choose the right path.
I'm damned if I do, and damned if I don't.
My heart says to go for one, my brain tells me to go for the other.
I wish things had happened differently. I see where I went wrong, but I can't fix it.
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