In case you haven't noticed, I'm not a huge fan of change. I can adjust, but it seems to take longer than most people. I do not like rapid change. It is harder to adjust when everything is changing way too fast. A lot of changes in my life have not been of the best variety. But I guess, even though they have been difficult, they were for the best. I mean, I might have been a different person if things had happened differently.
So I'm just doing the best I can to adjust. It has been hard, but nothing I can do about it. I just have to 'go with the flow.' Take each day as it comes. Because that is the only thing I CAN do.
Been losing myself in my knitting and stuff. Got loads of reading to do, which I haven't been doing... I need to push myself more than I have been. Got lots of stuff to do and lots of stuff to think about. Just a LOT of energy (which is a good thing) with lack of direction/focus (which is the unfortunate thing). So just doing a little bit here and there. Doing a little bit is better than doing nothing. I have to do SOMETHING at the very LEAST. I cannot simply do nothing. Doing things makes me feel so much better. Accomplishing things makes me feel so much better. Meeting goals makes me feel a LOT better.
I just want to get caught up on my stuff, and then I will feel relieved. Been busy helping other people with their stuff and not doing enough of my own stuff. I've always had issues with balance. That is something else to work on. I have LOADS to work on. I will be pretty busy. But... Busy is GOOD. It will help with the lack of focus (I hope). One of the worst things is having so much energy to spare and not being focused enough to make the most of it. I hate that. I want to be able to make the most of it. Catch up on chores, get back into my fitness stuff, work on my project, so much more.
They moved my Grandmother AGAIN to another part of the hospital. I don't like that ward already. It's like the ward she was in when I first went to see her... Not staffed very well. They moved her from the Critical Care Unit to some other place. I guess I'll be talking to my mother about that soon. My Aunt was there tonight. We talked a bit. Not like we had much to say to each other. My Grandmother was sleeping. She's been sleeping a lot more, is what I've heard. Not eating, again. Doesn't want to put her top teeth in to chew anything. She can do whatever she wants at this point.
My Aunt was saying that there's nothing they can do for her and they are pretty much 'letting nature run it's course.' She said that she hoped it would be soon because she doesn't want to live like this. I think that she's going to hold on as long as she can. She's stubborn that way. Like I am. I think another reason why she and I have always been close is that we are both Capricorns. Her birthday is only 3 days after mine and only 1 day after my son's birthday, so we usually have 1 family get together for the three of us. Made it more special. My son has the same birthday as one of my cousins. We don't see her often, if at all anymore. So, had we been closer, I'm sure we would have had a party for the four of us....
I know I have to prepare myself for what is likely to happen soon. Just it is hard to prepare for something like this. Even though, I know it's going to happen. And it'll probably be soon. Just I'm still not good with my emotions. My counsellor said that the variety of emotions start from the basis emotions. When he wrote them down for me, I saw something that would help me remember them. Since I write more acrostic poems, than not, these days... I looked at it acrostic-ally. (That's probably not a word, but deal with it! Haha!)
I saw 'SASHA'
Sadness
Anger
Scared
Happiness
Ashamed
All the feelings are supposed to fit into its own category of those 5 basic emotions.
Like grief falls into sadness, rage into anger, jealousy into scared, joy into happiness, guilt into ashamed. Etc. Anything a person can feel is supposed to be in one of these.
I was talking to someone the other night about dating and relationships. Like he was giving me advice. It was all pretty funny. Just funny. Like what guys are like when they are dating. What guys like when dating, etc.
I picked up a book I found just sitting in the hallway. There were a bunch of them there. When people have things to give away, they tend to put them in that corner. Most of them were romance novels (which I stopped reading because they were depressing). But one of the books... Was just a being-in-the-right-place-at-the-right-time sort of discovery. It's a book called: "Why Men Love B*tches." Apparently, there is another book called "Why Men Marry B*tches." The one I'm looking through has these topics that are called "Attraction Principles." Was talking about this with a friend (who I've started to video chat with recently). To get his point of view on these principles. I want to know what guys think about them to see just how they actually play out from their point of view. More of a research type of thing. I find it interesting. Something to think about. On top of everything else I've been thinking about.
November is likely to be a very good month for me in terms of that boost I needed to get back on top of the things I was on top of before I took my trip. The other book I am thinking about reading soon, too, is that book about communication between men and women. "You Just Don't Understand!" then the other one, "That's Not What I meant!" I find this stuff interesting as it kind of helps a bit. There is a comfort in knowing that there ARE differences between men and women, that it's NOT a bad thing, that there is a way to relate a heck of a lot better taking BOTH sides into account. Some things that are a big deal to women, aren't such a big deal to men. Some things that are a big deal to men, aren't a big deal to women. So knowing things like that, makes for more empathy. And hopefully, when (more like IF) I'm ready to start dating, again, I'll have a better perception of things. My project will have lots of sections. I'm just on the first section, still. I had probably a lot more progress made before, but starting over again can be a good thing. I did need a new start. Maybe I had to start over again to make more progress than I would have made? I don't know! Just trying to look at things differently.
"When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change."
So I'm just doing the best I can to adjust. It has been hard, but nothing I can do about it. I just have to 'go with the flow.' Take each day as it comes. Because that is the only thing I CAN do.
Been losing myself in my knitting and stuff. Got loads of reading to do, which I haven't been doing... I need to push myself more than I have been. Got lots of stuff to do and lots of stuff to think about. Just a LOT of energy (which is a good thing) with lack of direction/focus (which is the unfortunate thing). So just doing a little bit here and there. Doing a little bit is better than doing nothing. I have to do SOMETHING at the very LEAST. I cannot simply do nothing. Doing things makes me feel so much better. Accomplishing things makes me feel so much better. Meeting goals makes me feel a LOT better.
I just want to get caught up on my stuff, and then I will feel relieved. Been busy helping other people with their stuff and not doing enough of my own stuff. I've always had issues with balance. That is something else to work on. I have LOADS to work on. I will be pretty busy. But... Busy is GOOD. It will help with the lack of focus (I hope). One of the worst things is having so much energy to spare and not being focused enough to make the most of it. I hate that. I want to be able to make the most of it. Catch up on chores, get back into my fitness stuff, work on my project, so much more.
They moved my Grandmother AGAIN to another part of the hospital. I don't like that ward already. It's like the ward she was in when I first went to see her... Not staffed very well. They moved her from the Critical Care Unit to some other place. I guess I'll be talking to my mother about that soon. My Aunt was there tonight. We talked a bit. Not like we had much to say to each other. My Grandmother was sleeping. She's been sleeping a lot more, is what I've heard. Not eating, again. Doesn't want to put her top teeth in to chew anything. She can do whatever she wants at this point.
My Aunt was saying that there's nothing they can do for her and they are pretty much 'letting nature run it's course.' She said that she hoped it would be soon because she doesn't want to live like this. I think that she's going to hold on as long as she can. She's stubborn that way. Like I am. I think another reason why she and I have always been close is that we are both Capricorns. Her birthday is only 3 days after mine and only 1 day after my son's birthday, so we usually have 1 family get together for the three of us. Made it more special. My son has the same birthday as one of my cousins. We don't see her often, if at all anymore. So, had we been closer, I'm sure we would have had a party for the four of us....
I know I have to prepare myself for what is likely to happen soon. Just it is hard to prepare for something like this. Even though, I know it's going to happen. And it'll probably be soon. Just I'm still not good with my emotions. My counsellor said that the variety of emotions start from the basis emotions. When he wrote them down for me, I saw something that would help me remember them. Since I write more acrostic poems, than not, these days... I looked at it acrostic-ally. (That's probably not a word, but deal with it! Haha!)
I saw 'SASHA'
Sadness
Anger
Scared
Happiness
Ashamed
All the feelings are supposed to fit into its own category of those 5 basic emotions.
Like grief falls into sadness, rage into anger, jealousy into scared, joy into happiness, guilt into ashamed. Etc. Anything a person can feel is supposed to be in one of these.
I was talking to someone the other night about dating and relationships. Like he was giving me advice. It was all pretty funny. Just funny. Like what guys are like when they are dating. What guys like when dating, etc.
I picked up a book I found just sitting in the hallway. There were a bunch of them there. When people have things to give away, they tend to put them in that corner. Most of them were romance novels (which I stopped reading because they were depressing). But one of the books... Was just a being-in-the-right-place-at-the-right-time sort of discovery. It's a book called: "Why Men Love B*tches." Apparently, there is another book called "Why Men Marry B*tches." The one I'm looking through has these topics that are called "Attraction Principles." Was talking about this with a friend (who I've started to video chat with recently). To get his point of view on these principles. I want to know what guys think about them to see just how they actually play out from their point of view. More of a research type of thing. I find it interesting. Something to think about. On top of everything else I've been thinking about.
November is likely to be a very good month for me in terms of that boost I needed to get back on top of the things I was on top of before I took my trip. The other book I am thinking about reading soon, too, is that book about communication between men and women. "You Just Don't Understand!" then the other one, "That's Not What I meant!" I find this stuff interesting as it kind of helps a bit. There is a comfort in knowing that there ARE differences between men and women, that it's NOT a bad thing, that there is a way to relate a heck of a lot better taking BOTH sides into account. Some things that are a big deal to women, aren't such a big deal to men. Some things that are a big deal to men, aren't a big deal to women. So knowing things like that, makes for more empathy. And hopefully, when (more like IF) I'm ready to start dating, again, I'll have a better perception of things. My project will have lots of sections. I'm just on the first section, still. I had probably a lot more progress made before, but starting over again can be a good thing. I did need a new start. Maybe I had to start over again to make more progress than I would have made? I don't know! Just trying to look at things differently.
"When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change."
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