It's funny how lots of things are connected. Like the things I am working on.... My personal project (fulfilling my needs)... Judgement is one thing I've been working on. Tonight, at ACIM, we were talking about Judgement. How it's related to the ego and how it's related to perception.
There were some parts that jumped out at me and really 'resonated' with me. I remember the first time I went to the meeting and the Leader told me to see if any of it resonates with me. It does. In the strangest ways.
So I have been working on my first need which is security. It's perceived as being important to be secure with one's self. Especially in relationships. I have been in some where I was the one who was insecure, or the person I was with was insecure, or we both were insecure. Needless to say, none of those worked out.
The thing with being insecure is that we tend to project our insecurities outwards, towards other people. Mostly through judgements we make about others. I have to admit that I have made my fair share of judgements. Even judgements ABOUT judgements.
Tonight, we were reading about Judgement and Authority. It was eye opening. To say the least. The whole book has parts that are like that. Parts that just really bring you into awareness. The book is "A Foundation For Inner Peace." It does have some religious context in it. I cannot say that I am religious. I'm on the fence when it comes to having religious beliefs. I'm still working on my thought systems and my belief systems.
But I am starting with my needs first. I figure that it is important to be able to fulfill my own needs. And not look to anyone or anything to fulfill them for me. We all know it does not work that way. It took me a long time to realize this. It took me a long time to realize a lot of things. But the fact of the matter is that I am learning and growing. The more I learn, the more I grow.
Anyways, it ties together because part of my methodology for security is to dismiss judgements. Which I was talking about with my counsellor today. Then, after I left his office, I got one of those crossword scratch n' win things (didn't win, but that is not the point). One of the words was 'Resonant' and another was 'Authority'. Some words come into my awareness for a reason. So, I just found that strange that it tied into what we were talking about tonight with regards to authority.
In the book, (We finished it and then restarted it) we are on chapter 3, section 6: Judgement and the Authority Problem. The chapter is called: The Innocent Perception. It says that beyond perception, there is no judgement. It also says that if you judge the reality of others then you will be unable to avoid judging your own.
To judge is a choice. The opposite of judgement is knowledge. What judgement is, is the perception without knowledge. We perceive because we have the sense that we 'need' to evaluate. With evaluation we have selectivity. Judgement always involves 'rejection'. We reject what is undesirable. (I'll get to desires later).
One part that really stood out was: "One of the illusions is the belief that what we judge against has no effect." When we perceive something to be rejected, we send out the energy which is the thought that created the perception. Energy comes back to you. What you give, you receive. So if you keep putting out negative energy by being judgemental, then you receive more negative energy. It is the Universal Law of Reciprocation.
When you truly recognize what we all are, you will come to see that any judgement is meaningless.
What we judge against has no meaning to us because we are judging it. Everything has a meaning. Or has the potential to be meaningful. We lose the potential to know what the meaning is when we judge it. When we cannot see the meaning, we do not learn, then we do not know. We do not need to judge anything or anyone. It's simply not needed. Knowledge suspends all judgement and in doing so replaces perception with recognition. Also, recognition is re-cognizing. You already knew it, but the meaning was lost in judgements. So you regain what you already knew.
Then it gets interesting when it gets to the part where we are afraid of the things that we refuse to accept. Fear comes from the refusal of acceptance. A lot of people are afraid to die because they refuse to accept that we do not have control over that fact, or when, how, why, etc. The interesting part comes next when it says: "Nothing that you refuse to accept can be brought into your awareness."
Like alcoholism, for example. People who refuse to accept that they have a problem are not aware that they have a problem. Because they are unaware, they cannot even choose to accept it. By not having the choice to accept it, then they pretty much only have refusal. When you cannot see what something is (for what it is) then you can't accept it. It is a cycle of being unaware, and being in denial. They both cause each other from how I see things.
"The strain of constant judgement is intolerable." I learned this from a past relationship with someone who was extremely judgemental. It was so intolerable that I thought that by drinking, I'd be able to tolerate it, but I still couldn't and my drinking was making things worse because I was depending on it to put me in a better mood. And even when I was in a better mood, it changed fast when another judgement was made.
It was intolerable because of the stress it caused me. I don't know why it stressed me out so much. Maybe because of the negativity. He blamed being negative on his depression. My 'fortune cookie' card tonight, said "Only you can deprive yourself of anything." Depression stems from a sense of deprivation. Deprivation by unmet needs and unfulfillment. Which is totally up to everyone to do for themselves. Unless they are actually incapable of doing so. Because of their inability to accept the things that are beyond their awareness. Even the acceptance of responsibility.
When we are insisting to have control over reality, we will then insist on holding onto judgement AND be afraid that judgement will be used against us. BECAUSE judgement is then being used as a weapon to defend our own authority. We have no authority. The laws of the Universe have the authority because they dictate what happens to us. We do not. We can make choices, but even in doing so, authority is an illusion. Just as the belief that judging has no effect on what we are judging or any effect on us FOR doing the judging.
"Inconceivable thoughts produce only inconceivable ideas." By inconceivable, I think they mean contradictory. The ego is what causes us to have an issue with authority, thinking that we have any. To believe that we do have authority, is a delusion. Which is then projected onto others in the forms of judgements. When we do that, then we start believing that others are fighting us for authority which makes us even more judgemental. We cannot fight for something we cannot have. It does not work that way.
The fact that we feel threatened that someone will take authority away from us creates fear in us, and this fear makes us reactive and more projective. Also, it creates doubts within us.
"Only the people who give over all desire to reject can know that their own rejection is impossible."
This means that we can't be rejected if we give up the desire to reject. People fear rejection. Rejection/denial obviously is the opposite of acceptance. We need to accept people the way they are so that they will accept us the way we are. People who judge, cannot accept, and cannot become aware. The power to give up the desire to reject is possible when we look at reality without judging it.
The authority problem IS the denial that the authority is not ours.
If we feel imprisoned in ANY way due to our own free will, then our will is not free and not our own.
Judgements imprison us because it separates reality into segments by our desires.
This brings me to desire. When we wish for things, then we imply that willing it is not sufficient. What is willed is more real than what is wished for.
When we talked about desire tonight, The Leader said:
"The stronger the desire, the stronger the disappointment."
I believe this because I have experienced it. I used to want only one thing above all else. I desired it so much that it literally hurt when I could not have it. Now that I am learning to accept that it might not even be for me, (probably not the right time, yet) I now no longer desire it as much as I used to and it does not have the same power over me (my thoughts and emotions) that it once did.
Which is incredible progress for me from 10 years ago.
I looked up the opposite of desire, and it is fear. We don't desire what we are afraid of. That makes sense. I don't want to do either. I don't want to have desires. I don't want to have fears. I guess the answer to that is apathy. Not concerning myself with either of them. Which leads me to ask myself: "Is the reason I do not want to desire anything because I am afraid of disappointment?" I'm thinking that it is not the reason. However, I can avoid it by not concerning myself with these things. So desires are none of my concern AND fears are none of my concern. There isn't anything to be afraid of. Fear is another trick of the ego. It makes us afraid so that we do not accept things that we might consider accepting. Since acceptance leads to awareness.
There were some parts that jumped out at me and really 'resonated' with me. I remember the first time I went to the meeting and the Leader told me to see if any of it resonates with me. It does. In the strangest ways.
So I have been working on my first need which is security. It's perceived as being important to be secure with one's self. Especially in relationships. I have been in some where I was the one who was insecure, or the person I was with was insecure, or we both were insecure. Needless to say, none of those worked out.
The thing with being insecure is that we tend to project our insecurities outwards, towards other people. Mostly through judgements we make about others. I have to admit that I have made my fair share of judgements. Even judgements ABOUT judgements.
Tonight, we were reading about Judgement and Authority. It was eye opening. To say the least. The whole book has parts that are like that. Parts that just really bring you into awareness. The book is "A Foundation For Inner Peace." It does have some religious context in it. I cannot say that I am religious. I'm on the fence when it comes to having religious beliefs. I'm still working on my thought systems and my belief systems.
But I am starting with my needs first. I figure that it is important to be able to fulfill my own needs. And not look to anyone or anything to fulfill them for me. We all know it does not work that way. It took me a long time to realize this. It took me a long time to realize a lot of things. But the fact of the matter is that I am learning and growing. The more I learn, the more I grow.
Anyways, it ties together because part of my methodology for security is to dismiss judgements. Which I was talking about with my counsellor today. Then, after I left his office, I got one of those crossword scratch n' win things (didn't win, but that is not the point). One of the words was 'Resonant' and another was 'Authority'. Some words come into my awareness for a reason. So, I just found that strange that it tied into what we were talking about tonight with regards to authority.
In the book, (We finished it and then restarted it) we are on chapter 3, section 6: Judgement and the Authority Problem. The chapter is called: The Innocent Perception. It says that beyond perception, there is no judgement. It also says that if you judge the reality of others then you will be unable to avoid judging your own.
To judge is a choice. The opposite of judgement is knowledge. What judgement is, is the perception without knowledge. We perceive because we have the sense that we 'need' to evaluate. With evaluation we have selectivity. Judgement always involves 'rejection'. We reject what is undesirable. (I'll get to desires later).
One part that really stood out was: "One of the illusions is the belief that what we judge against has no effect." When we perceive something to be rejected, we send out the energy which is the thought that created the perception. Energy comes back to you. What you give, you receive. So if you keep putting out negative energy by being judgemental, then you receive more negative energy. It is the Universal Law of Reciprocation.
When you truly recognize what we all are, you will come to see that any judgement is meaningless.
What we judge against has no meaning to us because we are judging it. Everything has a meaning. Or has the potential to be meaningful. We lose the potential to know what the meaning is when we judge it. When we cannot see the meaning, we do not learn, then we do not know. We do not need to judge anything or anyone. It's simply not needed. Knowledge suspends all judgement and in doing so replaces perception with recognition. Also, recognition is re-cognizing. You already knew it, but the meaning was lost in judgements. So you regain what you already knew.
Then it gets interesting when it gets to the part where we are afraid of the things that we refuse to accept. Fear comes from the refusal of acceptance. A lot of people are afraid to die because they refuse to accept that we do not have control over that fact, or when, how, why, etc. The interesting part comes next when it says: "Nothing that you refuse to accept can be brought into your awareness."
Like alcoholism, for example. People who refuse to accept that they have a problem are not aware that they have a problem. Because they are unaware, they cannot even choose to accept it. By not having the choice to accept it, then they pretty much only have refusal. When you cannot see what something is (for what it is) then you can't accept it. It is a cycle of being unaware, and being in denial. They both cause each other from how I see things.
"The strain of constant judgement is intolerable." I learned this from a past relationship with someone who was extremely judgemental. It was so intolerable that I thought that by drinking, I'd be able to tolerate it, but I still couldn't and my drinking was making things worse because I was depending on it to put me in a better mood. And even when I was in a better mood, it changed fast when another judgement was made.
It was intolerable because of the stress it caused me. I don't know why it stressed me out so much. Maybe because of the negativity. He blamed being negative on his depression. My 'fortune cookie' card tonight, said "Only you can deprive yourself of anything." Depression stems from a sense of deprivation. Deprivation by unmet needs and unfulfillment. Which is totally up to everyone to do for themselves. Unless they are actually incapable of doing so. Because of their inability to accept the things that are beyond their awareness. Even the acceptance of responsibility.
When we are insisting to have control over reality, we will then insist on holding onto judgement AND be afraid that judgement will be used against us. BECAUSE judgement is then being used as a weapon to defend our own authority. We have no authority. The laws of the Universe have the authority because they dictate what happens to us. We do not. We can make choices, but even in doing so, authority is an illusion. Just as the belief that judging has no effect on what we are judging or any effect on us FOR doing the judging.
"Inconceivable thoughts produce only inconceivable ideas." By inconceivable, I think they mean contradictory. The ego is what causes us to have an issue with authority, thinking that we have any. To believe that we do have authority, is a delusion. Which is then projected onto others in the forms of judgements. When we do that, then we start believing that others are fighting us for authority which makes us even more judgemental. We cannot fight for something we cannot have. It does not work that way.
The fact that we feel threatened that someone will take authority away from us creates fear in us, and this fear makes us reactive and more projective. Also, it creates doubts within us.
"Only the people who give over all desire to reject can know that their own rejection is impossible."
This means that we can't be rejected if we give up the desire to reject. People fear rejection. Rejection/denial obviously is the opposite of acceptance. We need to accept people the way they are so that they will accept us the way we are. People who judge, cannot accept, and cannot become aware. The power to give up the desire to reject is possible when we look at reality without judging it.
The authority problem IS the denial that the authority is not ours.
If we feel imprisoned in ANY way due to our own free will, then our will is not free and not our own.
Judgements imprison us because it separates reality into segments by our desires.
This brings me to desire. When we wish for things, then we imply that willing it is not sufficient. What is willed is more real than what is wished for.
When we talked about desire tonight, The Leader said:
"The stronger the desire, the stronger the disappointment."
I believe this because I have experienced it. I used to want only one thing above all else. I desired it so much that it literally hurt when I could not have it. Now that I am learning to accept that it might not even be for me, (probably not the right time, yet) I now no longer desire it as much as I used to and it does not have the same power over me (my thoughts and emotions) that it once did.
Which is incredible progress for me from 10 years ago.
I looked up the opposite of desire, and it is fear. We don't desire what we are afraid of. That makes sense. I don't want to do either. I don't want to have desires. I don't want to have fears. I guess the answer to that is apathy. Not concerning myself with either of them. Which leads me to ask myself: "Is the reason I do not want to desire anything because I am afraid of disappointment?" I'm thinking that it is not the reason. However, I can avoid it by not concerning myself with these things. So desires are none of my concern AND fears are none of my concern. There isn't anything to be afraid of. Fear is another trick of the ego. It makes us afraid so that we do not accept things that we might consider accepting. Since acceptance leads to awareness.
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