Lots of things have been going on. Just is hard to cover everything. Been thinking a lot about a lot of things. Seems like I'm almost overusing some parts of my brain.
Just some people give me a lot to think about. Sometimes I give myself a lot to think about. Sometimes the things that happen give me a lot to think about. Contemplation.
All the things I've been learning about all connect to each other. It's all connected and that is why I am learning these things because I need to SEE and to KNOW the connections going on. Because when I SEE and KNOW HOW they are connected, I can SEE and KNOW how they work together or against each other. Persistence VS Resistance.
I've been thinking about people's choices and my choices. How choices can be reactive or responsive. A lot of people do not know how to respond. They think replying is responding. It's not. It's a reply. A reply is a reaction. A response is a response.
I've been thinking about some situations I find myself in. Like with two friends I had. One of them might still be my friend, but the other wants nothing to do with me anymore. She walked out of my life and that is completely her choice and it was a reactive choice to a response I made. I was tired of hearing about a disagreement for MONTHS. Something that was neither my business or my fault. Something I did not and do not want to be involved in. When I basically said: I don't want to be involved. Please don't try to involve me in this anymore... Her reaction to that was to stop being my friend. And that is fine. I am maturing. I am growing up. I am becoming aware of how impulsive I can be sometimes. But I don't operate on my impulses more than my self control on an ongoing basis.
It just seemed like people want to be around me to have THEIR NEEDS met, because I am responsive. But, yet, when I have needs... It's like: "F*ck you, Abby!" Even the simplest needs like RESPECT. Why is it so f*cking hard to RESPECT people?! WHY?! Why do we live in a society that is like 99.9% impulsive? That is what the impulsive mind wants. It WANTS to have NEEDS met. And it can't tell the difference between needs and desires. It makes every desire dire. BUT you NEED some impulses. Because the impulsive mind is the gear that turns the self control mind gear. They have to work together, but mostly they work against each other because people do NOT know how to control their impulses. That part of the mind that we were functioning with when we were all 2 year olds is still saying: "Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! I want! I want! I want! Now! Now! Now!" When that is stronger than the "Wait! I can have that later! Or I can have something else that will be better in the long run." Then this is the struggle. We give into our 'desires' because it is a type of 'reward'. Because it's something we WANT NOW.
And our society is designed to keep giving in to do what is easiest at the time. Because... Oh? That's easier? I'll do that! It's easy to be lazy... So I'll do that! It's easier to take ADVANTAGE of people than to give them the RESPECT they deserve, and the RESPECT you want from them in return. A lot of people are like: "You have respect for me! Dammit! But... I don't have to respect you back!" I f*cking hate this mentality.
I was thinking about what we talked about in the workshop today. About rewards. Everyone wants rewards, because it feels good to be rewarded. Whatever the reward is... It fills a hole somewhere, somehow. But there are fake rewards and real rewards. Fake rewards make you happy temporarily. Real rewards are long lasting and meaningful. People go for the fake rewards because they are EASIER to get. You can get them simply by giving into temptation, which is EASY. You get REAL rewards the HARD way, but they LAST! The more they last, or longer they last, the better you feel because that feeling of being rewarded lasts longer.
So... Back to our needs... I talked about this in a previous post. 8 Basic Human Needs:
-Comfort
-Security
- To contribute
- To feel important
- To feel significant
- To feel worthy
- Predictability
- To feel competent
So a lot of these are emotional needs. Emotions can be managed, regulated, controlled. By yourself. YOU control your emotions. Like when people say: "You make me so mad!" NO! YOU are the one who is allowing yourself to feel mad. YOU can STOP feeling angry when YOU choose another emotion. When YOU choose to THINK differently about the situation... YOU will FEEL differently about it!
So physical needs are comfort, contribution, and security. Mental needs are the emotional ones + predictability. People are COMFORTABLE when they are ABLE to predict any outcome of any experience. But you cannot always predict it. Most of the time you cannot. When we are comfortable, we feel secure. When we have our other needs met, our emotional needs, to feel important, significant, worthy, and competent... We feel comfortable with ourselves because our needs are met and then we feel secure. So meeting emotional needs meets the other needs.
Like at work.... When you are doing a menial labor job, like janitorial. It is a predictable job. The predictability itself makes you feel competent. The feeling of competence makes you feel that you are contributing. When you feel like you are contributing, you feel worthy of feeling importance and significance.
But then there are people who solely want to jump from the predictability of their comfort zone WITHOUT contributing ANYTHING to feel competent, worthy, important, significance. You can feel competent without contributing BUT you can't achieve the meeting of those other needs. And sometimes meeting all your needs IS the f*cking REWARD! The REAL reward! Anything WITHOUT contribution is a FAKE reward. These are universal needs! EVERYONE has these needs! BUT EVERYONE needs to learn that THEY are the ones that have to meet THEIR OWN needs. They can't use others to do it for them because if they keep trying to seek it out in others, they will NEVER find it, then their need for SECURITY is always going to be compromised because they will always be INSECURE.
Does this stuff make sense to you? These are the things I think about. The things I am LEARNING and seeking to learn from others, BUT I know that the others are just providing me with the info. I am the one who has to figure out HOW TO APPLY the info to my life, to myself. And all of this learning stuff is stuff I should have learned a long time ago. They don't teach anything directly related to LIFE at school. They program you with a bunch of sh*t you don't NEED and probably will never USE. EVER. Because of this: People don't want other people to be smarter than they are. Because when THEY are the smarter ones, THEY have more control. That is why the f*cking government controls what we learn in schools. They are government institutions. The government WANTS us all to be so stupid that we have NO CONTROL. Because if we had ALL the control we SHOULD (and have every right to have) we would be DOING better. A better way of life that the government has NO CONTROL over.
A lot of people think of the government as this entity that has all the control, all the power. Prestige and whatever else comes with almighty power. Fine. Great. Whatever they want to think. BUT, there is such a thing as self-governing where you govern YOURSELF.
Self-government is all the important self things that work together to give YOU the power.
Self-control
Self-respect
Self-awareness
Self-discipline
Self- regulation
Probably plenty more of those things... But those are the ones I can think of off the top of my head. All of these things... When they work TOGETHER, work FOR YOU! Basically, you are your best friend OR your worst enemy... What do you want to be to yourself? That is a choice! If you are constructive: Best friend! When you are destructive: Worst enemy! The f*cking CHOICE is YOURS!
All of it leads to self-discovery. Self discovery becomes self realization. Self realization becomes self actualization. Like how when we finally realize something we never realized before, it becomes REAL. Well, when the thing we realize becomes an actual thing, like when we actually apply certain concepts, they become even more real because now they are producing results!
Producing results is what makes us feel competent, worthy, important, significant. We can see the changes, feel the changes... Why? Because we become the changes!
Just some people give me a lot to think about. Sometimes I give myself a lot to think about. Sometimes the things that happen give me a lot to think about. Contemplation.
All the things I've been learning about all connect to each other. It's all connected and that is why I am learning these things because I need to SEE and to KNOW the connections going on. Because when I SEE and KNOW HOW they are connected, I can SEE and KNOW how they work together or against each other. Persistence VS Resistance.
I've been thinking about people's choices and my choices. How choices can be reactive or responsive. A lot of people do not know how to respond. They think replying is responding. It's not. It's a reply. A reply is a reaction. A response is a response.
I've been thinking about some situations I find myself in. Like with two friends I had. One of them might still be my friend, but the other wants nothing to do with me anymore. She walked out of my life and that is completely her choice and it was a reactive choice to a response I made. I was tired of hearing about a disagreement for MONTHS. Something that was neither my business or my fault. Something I did not and do not want to be involved in. When I basically said: I don't want to be involved. Please don't try to involve me in this anymore... Her reaction to that was to stop being my friend. And that is fine. I am maturing. I am growing up. I am becoming aware of how impulsive I can be sometimes. But I don't operate on my impulses more than my self control on an ongoing basis.
It just seemed like people want to be around me to have THEIR NEEDS met, because I am responsive. But, yet, when I have needs... It's like: "F*ck you, Abby!" Even the simplest needs like RESPECT. Why is it so f*cking hard to RESPECT people?! WHY?! Why do we live in a society that is like 99.9% impulsive? That is what the impulsive mind wants. It WANTS to have NEEDS met. And it can't tell the difference between needs and desires. It makes every desire dire. BUT you NEED some impulses. Because the impulsive mind is the gear that turns the self control mind gear. They have to work together, but mostly they work against each other because people do NOT know how to control their impulses. That part of the mind that we were functioning with when we were all 2 year olds is still saying: "Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! I want! I want! I want! Now! Now! Now!" When that is stronger than the "Wait! I can have that later! Or I can have something else that will be better in the long run." Then this is the struggle. We give into our 'desires' because it is a type of 'reward'. Because it's something we WANT NOW.
And our society is designed to keep giving in to do what is easiest at the time. Because... Oh? That's easier? I'll do that! It's easy to be lazy... So I'll do that! It's easier to take ADVANTAGE of people than to give them the RESPECT they deserve, and the RESPECT you want from them in return. A lot of people are like: "You have respect for me! Dammit! But... I don't have to respect you back!" I f*cking hate this mentality.
I was thinking about what we talked about in the workshop today. About rewards. Everyone wants rewards, because it feels good to be rewarded. Whatever the reward is... It fills a hole somewhere, somehow. But there are fake rewards and real rewards. Fake rewards make you happy temporarily. Real rewards are long lasting and meaningful. People go for the fake rewards because they are EASIER to get. You can get them simply by giving into temptation, which is EASY. You get REAL rewards the HARD way, but they LAST! The more they last, or longer they last, the better you feel because that feeling of being rewarded lasts longer.
So... Back to our needs... I talked about this in a previous post. 8 Basic Human Needs:
-Comfort
-Security
- To contribute
- To feel important
- To feel significant
- To feel worthy
- Predictability
- To feel competent
So a lot of these are emotional needs. Emotions can be managed, regulated, controlled. By yourself. YOU control your emotions. Like when people say: "You make me so mad!" NO! YOU are the one who is allowing yourself to feel mad. YOU can STOP feeling angry when YOU choose another emotion. When YOU choose to THINK differently about the situation... YOU will FEEL differently about it!
So physical needs are comfort, contribution, and security. Mental needs are the emotional ones + predictability. People are COMFORTABLE when they are ABLE to predict any outcome of any experience. But you cannot always predict it. Most of the time you cannot. When we are comfortable, we feel secure. When we have our other needs met, our emotional needs, to feel important, significant, worthy, and competent... We feel comfortable with ourselves because our needs are met and then we feel secure. So meeting emotional needs meets the other needs.
Like at work.... When you are doing a menial labor job, like janitorial. It is a predictable job. The predictability itself makes you feel competent. The feeling of competence makes you feel that you are contributing. When you feel like you are contributing, you feel worthy of feeling importance and significance.
But then there are people who solely want to jump from the predictability of their comfort zone WITHOUT contributing ANYTHING to feel competent, worthy, important, significance. You can feel competent without contributing BUT you can't achieve the meeting of those other needs. And sometimes meeting all your needs IS the f*cking REWARD! The REAL reward! Anything WITHOUT contribution is a FAKE reward. These are universal needs! EVERYONE has these needs! BUT EVERYONE needs to learn that THEY are the ones that have to meet THEIR OWN needs. They can't use others to do it for them because if they keep trying to seek it out in others, they will NEVER find it, then their need for SECURITY is always going to be compromised because they will always be INSECURE.
Does this stuff make sense to you? These are the things I think about. The things I am LEARNING and seeking to learn from others, BUT I know that the others are just providing me with the info. I am the one who has to figure out HOW TO APPLY the info to my life, to myself. And all of this learning stuff is stuff I should have learned a long time ago. They don't teach anything directly related to LIFE at school. They program you with a bunch of sh*t you don't NEED and probably will never USE. EVER. Because of this: People don't want other people to be smarter than they are. Because when THEY are the smarter ones, THEY have more control. That is why the f*cking government controls what we learn in schools. They are government institutions. The government WANTS us all to be so stupid that we have NO CONTROL. Because if we had ALL the control we SHOULD (and have every right to have) we would be DOING better. A better way of life that the government has NO CONTROL over.
A lot of people think of the government as this entity that has all the control, all the power. Prestige and whatever else comes with almighty power. Fine. Great. Whatever they want to think. BUT, there is such a thing as self-governing where you govern YOURSELF.
Self-government is all the important self things that work together to give YOU the power.
Self-control
Self-respect
Self-awareness
Self-discipline
Self- regulation
Probably plenty more of those things... But those are the ones I can think of off the top of my head. All of these things... When they work TOGETHER, work FOR YOU! Basically, you are your best friend OR your worst enemy... What do you want to be to yourself? That is a choice! If you are constructive: Best friend! When you are destructive: Worst enemy! The f*cking CHOICE is YOURS!
All of it leads to self-discovery. Self discovery becomes self realization. Self realization becomes self actualization. Like how when we finally realize something we never realized before, it becomes REAL. Well, when the thing we realize becomes an actual thing, like when we actually apply certain concepts, they become even more real because now they are producing results!
Producing results is what makes us feel competent, worthy, important, significant. We can see the changes, feel the changes... Why? Because we become the changes!
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