So much thinking going on. Most of the time I feel like I'm living in my head. I am learning things. It just seems like if I get enough food and sleep, I could learn better. I've been stressed out. I have been having problems. Some guy keeps calling MY phone for my brother. I had to finally tell the guy that the reason I have not been answering the phone is because he's not here. It's a home phone, not a cell phone. I'm not with my brother 24/7. I am not my brother's keeper. I hate feeling like I am. It drives me crazy. This guy has called at least 15 times in one day! It's ridiculous! It's maddening. Especially when I'm trying to sleep and the bugger calls and calls. I tried my best not to yell at the guy when I answered the phone this morning. After he called the second time and woke me up for the second time. I hate being angry. I've had too much anger and people and circumstances triggering that anger in me. It's wasted energy. I need all the energy I can get today.
I've been thinking about a few things this morning. I've been thinking about hypnosis, about the willpower workshop I'm going to today, and word associations.
I had this habit of watching crime shows to fall asleep at night. It helped because the narration was what I was after to help me sleep. So I switched to videos about confidence and things like that to hopefully help infuse info into my brain as I try to sleep.
I'm trying to find ways to trick my mind into letting me use it the way I want to instead of it just operating however it wants to. When it operates how it wants to, I think more negatively and that is some part of myself limiting myself or protecting itself. I heard somewhere that bad habits we have are serving us in some way, even if it is self destructive. The bad habits keep us stuck in our comfort zones and they are like protection measures or something. I'm sure it's those, but more than that.
Anyway, this willpower workshop will connect nicely with the book I've been reading about "Choices". The last few nights I have not been reading anything. I've been chatting with a friend from South Dakota. It's kind of funny, but at the same time creepy, that he and I are so much alike. I find that I'm more like other Capricorns than anyone else. We have the same traits and actually think along similar lines. We share the same habits. It's crazy, the more we talk, the more we find things in common. I look forward to talking to him. I realized that I like having things to look forward to. Also, I like being excited about things. The more I feel like that, the better I feel. I wish I could just be excited about life. I want to be. I have a feeling that good things are coming around the corner. It just seems like the closer I get to them, the further away they get. If that makes any sense. I realized that having things to look forward to makes me happy and dreading things makes me depressed. I don't want to dread things. I know how I feel when that starts to happen.
When I'm in a slump, with my thoughts and feelings... I find it really hard to snap out of it and get it out of my system. I don't know why it's so hard. Maybe I'm so used to feeling like crap that it's literally part of my comfort zone. Like when I try to think positively and move forward, something is tripped and it resets back to default. I really don't like that. It's so counterproductive. It's such a big pain in the butt. I need to figure out how to stop that from happening. But how? HOW? Has always been the question. I know WHAT and most of the WHYs and WHENs, but not the HOWs. It's like every question has all of those parts to it. All 5.
Who, What, When, Why, and How. I think for the most part I'm hung up on thinking that there is a specific way to do things to create the results I want. So when I don't know how to do something, I don't even try to do it because I'd rather know how to do something before I try to do it so that it reduces my chances of failure. And failing doesn't mean I 'failed', it means I TRIED. Trying is such a big part of doing things. Desire and effort.
The last thing I'll write about this afternoon is how I've been thinking about word associations. There are ways I think words are related. I've been thinking of the words with PAR in it. Like PrePARation. I am having a hard time thinking today, staying focused. Not enough energy or something. Or misdirection of whatever energy I have left. Anyway, to make this shorter... I'm running out of time here... I have to leave soon. I've been thinking of that PAR part. In golf it's how many strokes required to make a hole. So life is like that... Keep swinging, missing, or getting it sailing through the air... Only to land not where you want it to, but closer than it was before.
I've been thinking about a few things this morning. I've been thinking about hypnosis, about the willpower workshop I'm going to today, and word associations.
I had this habit of watching crime shows to fall asleep at night. It helped because the narration was what I was after to help me sleep. So I switched to videos about confidence and things like that to hopefully help infuse info into my brain as I try to sleep.
I'm trying to find ways to trick my mind into letting me use it the way I want to instead of it just operating however it wants to. When it operates how it wants to, I think more negatively and that is some part of myself limiting myself or protecting itself. I heard somewhere that bad habits we have are serving us in some way, even if it is self destructive. The bad habits keep us stuck in our comfort zones and they are like protection measures or something. I'm sure it's those, but more than that.
Anyway, this willpower workshop will connect nicely with the book I've been reading about "Choices". The last few nights I have not been reading anything. I've been chatting with a friend from South Dakota. It's kind of funny, but at the same time creepy, that he and I are so much alike. I find that I'm more like other Capricorns than anyone else. We have the same traits and actually think along similar lines. We share the same habits. It's crazy, the more we talk, the more we find things in common. I look forward to talking to him. I realized that I like having things to look forward to. Also, I like being excited about things. The more I feel like that, the better I feel. I wish I could just be excited about life. I want to be. I have a feeling that good things are coming around the corner. It just seems like the closer I get to them, the further away they get. If that makes any sense. I realized that having things to look forward to makes me happy and dreading things makes me depressed. I don't want to dread things. I know how I feel when that starts to happen.
When I'm in a slump, with my thoughts and feelings... I find it really hard to snap out of it and get it out of my system. I don't know why it's so hard. Maybe I'm so used to feeling like crap that it's literally part of my comfort zone. Like when I try to think positively and move forward, something is tripped and it resets back to default. I really don't like that. It's so counterproductive. It's such a big pain in the butt. I need to figure out how to stop that from happening. But how? HOW? Has always been the question. I know WHAT and most of the WHYs and WHENs, but not the HOWs. It's like every question has all of those parts to it. All 5.
Who, What, When, Why, and How. I think for the most part I'm hung up on thinking that there is a specific way to do things to create the results I want. So when I don't know how to do something, I don't even try to do it because I'd rather know how to do something before I try to do it so that it reduces my chances of failure. And failing doesn't mean I 'failed', it means I TRIED. Trying is such a big part of doing things. Desire and effort.
The last thing I'll write about this afternoon is how I've been thinking about word associations. There are ways I think words are related. I've been thinking of the words with PAR in it. Like PrePARation. I am having a hard time thinking today, staying focused. Not enough energy or something. Or misdirection of whatever energy I have left. Anyway, to make this shorter... I'm running out of time here... I have to leave soon. I've been thinking of that PAR part. In golf it's how many strokes required to make a hole. So life is like that... Keep swinging, missing, or getting it sailing through the air... Only to land not where you want it to, but closer than it was before.
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