I really should be asleep. I didn't have to work tonight. That's on Wednesday nights. Just been having a hard time getting to sleep unless I stay awake until I'm really exhausted. Been up all night working on my brother's birthday present. He forgot my birthday. Which disappoints me. Anyway, I'm making him fingerless gloves, or what they call 'smoker's gloves'. He asked for some a long time ago, but I haven't made any for a long time. I got one half done in one night. I also finished the hat that will go with it. They are navy blue.
Also the sweater I've been making... Didn't work on it tonight, but just got the sleeves to do now. Once they are done, I can start sewing. I like knitting and crocheting, but I dislike sewing. Probably because it takes a while and I'm not very good at it. You'd think that I could sew since I can knit, but not the case!
Maybe one of these days I'll take some pictures of the things I've made and put them on here. I made a few fedoras. I also made a bag that matches a fedora I made for myself. Blue of course! My favorite color. My favorite used to be green once upon a time. But then it became blue.
The sky was so beautiful last night, just before it got dark. I could see a few stars. That's one thing I love about the country. It's the possibility to see the night sky the way it was meant to be seen. All those stars that have existed for centuries, if not millenniums. All those people who came way before us who have gazed upon the same stars... That is what I often think about when I look up at them. How perfect they are all in themselves.
I was at a book study group last night. I go twice a month. Every second Monday. Anyway, we discuss this book called: A Course In Miracles. I've been going to this group since September. At least since then. I like it because I'm slowly getting to know the people who go to it. Only a small group, which I like. I have yet to purchase the book, but I plan on it. Since I am getting paid this week from work. Also, I'm saving money by making my brother's gift myself. I already had the wool and everything.
I'll probably be meeting my brother's girlfriend soon. I suspect they are living together based on some comments she has made. I haven't really talked to my brother since Christmas. Ever since they started dating, been seeing less and less of him. Which I don't like. Like his girlfriend is taking all his time and taking him away from his family. This is part of the reason I don't like her already. I haven't even met her, yet. My other brother doesn't like her and has told me that a lot of his friends have told him that they have slept with her. Another reason I don't like her.
Been stressed out a bit these days. I am going out tonight to get away for the night. To a friend's place. Going to stay there tonight. I just want to try to relax. I need a break. I need to try to relax.
Have had so much on my mind. Always do. I want to think about the future, but when I do, it doesn't look like I would like it to. It actually looks a lot like the present. Which bothers me. I was day dreaming yesterday about what it would be like to own my own home. A house. I started looking at the houses I passed while I was on the bus and trying to imagine what it would be like to live in some of them. Weird, I guess. Been living here for almost 9 years. Gotten used to it. I know eventually I will have to move and I don't like that idea. Not that I have a choice. This is the longest I can remember living in one place. I always kept moving around and stuff. All my life. Especially when I was in group homes and foster homes. Been to at least 5 group homes and 2 foster homes. 5 is only an estimate. I believe there could have been 8 or so group homes. I moved every 3 months or so. So living here has been the only sense of permanence I've had in a very long time. Although I know I cannot stay here the rest of my life. I know I will have to move one day. Probably to a 1 bedroom since my son is living with his father. He has been living with him for 2 years now and I'm kinda getting used to it now. Even though I hate not being more involved in his life. Everything is up to his father now. I hate that too. Not having much of a say in anything regarding my own son. After having primary custody of him for all that time... I see changes in him that I don't like. The way he treats me and talks to me. He even told me he wanted to punch me in the face! My own baby saying that to me! My baby who still calls me Mommy! I know he's not exactly a baby anymore. He's 10 years old now... It still hurt me. Made me so mad! That he wouldn't dare say things like that to his Dad, and yet he thinks it is okay to say them to me! This happened a couple days ago. This is why I've been so stressed out and want to run away for a night. This is why I constantly feel like I'm not good enough and often feel like I could be doing better and wish people would treat me better. They tend to walk all over me. But I'll be damned if my own son will walk all over me like that! How quickly we forget those who've done so much for us! How we take those close to us for granted! I'm feeling it, most days... Especially on days like those!
Also the sweater I've been making... Didn't work on it tonight, but just got the sleeves to do now. Once they are done, I can start sewing. I like knitting and crocheting, but I dislike sewing. Probably because it takes a while and I'm not very good at it. You'd think that I could sew since I can knit, but not the case!
Maybe one of these days I'll take some pictures of the things I've made and put them on here. I made a few fedoras. I also made a bag that matches a fedora I made for myself. Blue of course! My favorite color. My favorite used to be green once upon a time. But then it became blue.
The sky was so beautiful last night, just before it got dark. I could see a few stars. That's one thing I love about the country. It's the possibility to see the night sky the way it was meant to be seen. All those stars that have existed for centuries, if not millenniums. All those people who came way before us who have gazed upon the same stars... That is what I often think about when I look up at them. How perfect they are all in themselves.
I was at a book study group last night. I go twice a month. Every second Monday. Anyway, we discuss this book called: A Course In Miracles. I've been going to this group since September. At least since then. I like it because I'm slowly getting to know the people who go to it. Only a small group, which I like. I have yet to purchase the book, but I plan on it. Since I am getting paid this week from work. Also, I'm saving money by making my brother's gift myself. I already had the wool and everything.
I'll probably be meeting my brother's girlfriend soon. I suspect they are living together based on some comments she has made. I haven't really talked to my brother since Christmas. Ever since they started dating, been seeing less and less of him. Which I don't like. Like his girlfriend is taking all his time and taking him away from his family. This is part of the reason I don't like her already. I haven't even met her, yet. My other brother doesn't like her and has told me that a lot of his friends have told him that they have slept with her. Another reason I don't like her.
Been stressed out a bit these days. I am going out tonight to get away for the night. To a friend's place. Going to stay there tonight. I just want to try to relax. I need a break. I need to try to relax.
Have had so much on my mind. Always do. I want to think about the future, but when I do, it doesn't look like I would like it to. It actually looks a lot like the present. Which bothers me. I was day dreaming yesterday about what it would be like to own my own home. A house. I started looking at the houses I passed while I was on the bus and trying to imagine what it would be like to live in some of them. Weird, I guess. Been living here for almost 9 years. Gotten used to it. I know eventually I will have to move and I don't like that idea. Not that I have a choice. This is the longest I can remember living in one place. I always kept moving around and stuff. All my life. Especially when I was in group homes and foster homes. Been to at least 5 group homes and 2 foster homes. 5 is only an estimate. I believe there could have been 8 or so group homes. I moved every 3 months or so. So living here has been the only sense of permanence I've had in a very long time. Although I know I cannot stay here the rest of my life. I know I will have to move one day. Probably to a 1 bedroom since my son is living with his father. He has been living with him for 2 years now and I'm kinda getting used to it now. Even though I hate not being more involved in his life. Everything is up to his father now. I hate that too. Not having much of a say in anything regarding my own son. After having primary custody of him for all that time... I see changes in him that I don't like. The way he treats me and talks to me. He even told me he wanted to punch me in the face! My own baby saying that to me! My baby who still calls me Mommy! I know he's not exactly a baby anymore. He's 10 years old now... It still hurt me. Made me so mad! That he wouldn't dare say things like that to his Dad, and yet he thinks it is okay to say them to me! This happened a couple days ago. This is why I've been so stressed out and want to run away for a night. This is why I constantly feel like I'm not good enough and often feel like I could be doing better and wish people would treat me better. They tend to walk all over me. But I'll be damned if my own son will walk all over me like that! How quickly we forget those who've done so much for us! How we take those close to us for granted! I'm feeling it, most days... Especially on days like those!
I can't even imagine hearing that from my child...It's awful but I suppose Georgia will give us some trouble one day too...still...and not to sound like a grumpy old man but I would never have said anything like that to my parents. What do you even say to that? How do you let your child know that's not appropriate language ever..We're really lucky because Georgia says a LOT of words...so she can kinda tell us what she wants.
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