Here I am again, actually starting to feel pretty good these days. Rob is moving. He is excited about it, and I am too. We really need our space, time apart, time to think. We're not breaking up, just he needs his own place to be and do things, and figure things out in. I'm sure if he had the right motivation, his ambition would come back...
Speaking of motivation and ambition... These are good words I haven't been using a lot in my life. I think that it's about time that I discover some things about me and hopefully find the right path in my life. I want to start going down the right path. I've been stuck at the crossroads for so long now. I was allowed to get away with not choosing a direction for so long now because I was so focused on doing things for other people and not doing enough for myself. I was focused on showing everyone how much I cared for them by doing things for them that they wouldn't do for me, y'know why? Because they don't actually care about me. Some would say that I wasted so many years because of it. I could look at it that way, or I could look at it like I was only doing what I knew how to do and what I thought I had to do to survive.
I'm the kind of girl who is a nice girl (too nice sometimes) because I want people to like me. I do things for other people who wouldn't do anything for me. I like doing things for other people, especially if it makes a difference. But I think the motivation here is 'I want people to like me.' So I was afraid to 'just say no' so many times and I felt bad about saying no because the guilt would come and wash over me. The guilt coming from knowing I could have said yes instead and that would have maybe helped in some way.
But I can't walk around saying 'yes' to everything and everyone. (Now this reminds me of the movie: Yes, Man. With Jim Carey in it.) <----I'll tell you something I haven't told anyone. There are times I feel like my life is like a conspiracy like the movie: The Truman Show. I used to get bouts of paranoia where it sometimes made sense. NO, I'M NOT CRAZY... Well, okay, maybe a little bit. Aren't we all?
Anyways, tonight's little project is finishing off a pair of gloves for a lady down the hall. I'm making her a birthday card to go along with it. She'll be surprised because she's not expecting this. That sounds like such an oxymoron sentence. Surprise means something unexpected. D'uh Abby! Is anyone even home in my head?
Speaking of motivation and ambition... These are good words I haven't been using a lot in my life. I think that it's about time that I discover some things about me and hopefully find the right path in my life. I want to start going down the right path. I've been stuck at the crossroads for so long now. I was allowed to get away with not choosing a direction for so long now because I was so focused on doing things for other people and not doing enough for myself. I was focused on showing everyone how much I cared for them by doing things for them that they wouldn't do for me, y'know why? Because they don't actually care about me. Some would say that I wasted so many years because of it. I could look at it that way, or I could look at it like I was only doing what I knew how to do and what I thought I had to do to survive.
I'm the kind of girl who is a nice girl (too nice sometimes) because I want people to like me. I do things for other people who wouldn't do anything for me. I like doing things for other people, especially if it makes a difference. But I think the motivation here is 'I want people to like me.' So I was afraid to 'just say no' so many times and I felt bad about saying no because the guilt would come and wash over me. The guilt coming from knowing I could have said yes instead and that would have maybe helped in some way.
But I can't walk around saying 'yes' to everything and everyone. (Now this reminds me of the movie: Yes, Man. With Jim Carey in it.) <----I'll tell you something I haven't told anyone. There are times I feel like my life is like a conspiracy like the movie: The Truman Show. I used to get bouts of paranoia where it sometimes made sense. NO, I'M NOT CRAZY... Well, okay, maybe a little bit. Aren't we all?
Anyways, tonight's little project is finishing off a pair of gloves for a lady down the hall. I'm making her a birthday card to go along with it. She'll be surprised because she's not expecting this. That sounds like such an oxymoron sentence. Surprise means something unexpected. D'uh Abby! Is anyone even home in my head?
No comments:
Post a Comment