Since I've been online much more than I used to be, I find myself on youtube. I recently learned that a child dies every 5 hours due to child abuse. That is an insane death rate for the most preventable cause of death.
I've seen countless videos about kids who've been beaten, even by their own parents! It's so sad.... It makes me angry. Kids shouldn't have to die. No matter the circumstances, but it's a different thing when it comes to child abuse. I have no tollerance for that at all. I have to say that I have spanked my son a time or two on the butt, but that is not abuse to me. I've only done it a couple of times and I felt bad about it. I'd never put my son through what I went through as a kid. After the last time I spanked him, we had a long talk afterwards about how it was wrong for me to spank him and that I would never do it again. If he's bad, we talk about it and it gets to him a lot more than a spanking ever would. Also, my son is 9 now. He knows right from wrong. He even thinks that the word 'stupid' is a swear word.
All in all, I think I did an okay job raising him pretty much on my own. When he was a kid, I mean that awkward age where he was really testing boundaries. I mean, like 3 or so. It was really hard because if I didn't teach him the 'rules' then it would have been too late. So we sat down and made a 'poster' which he helped me make. I asked him what the rules should be. I started out with "How about no kicking or hitting. Because that's not nice, right?" I find that it works if you give them the chance to think that it's not nice and agree with you at the same time.
Same thing with going shopping. They see something that they would like and they ask you to buy it fo them. All you say is that you won't get it this time, maybe next time, okay? Then they tell you that it is okay because you kinda asked them if it is okay. There is that agreeing thing again. You can get them to agree with you if you state what you think and ask "right?" It has worked for me. Also, another thing that works is if they know that if they start a tantrum anywhere, that you will drop what you are doing and go straight home. No matter where you are or what you are doing. Give them the option of staying or leaving. "Do you want to go home?" "No? Then if you want to stay, you have to behave. If not, we have to go." Just that simple. Then they learn. It takes time to teach them these things, but the trick is to give them the choices and let them make their choice as long as they know the consequence or the reward.
I'm not a really strict parent, but I did let him know from the start what was right and wrong. He is so kind and loving. He's so smart and sweet. He will even hold the door open for me and say "Ladies first!" I remember a time he was like 4 years old and saw a lady coming into my Grandmother's building. Nobody told him to do it or asked him to, but he went straight over to the door and held it open for her!
I love my son so much. It's hurt me to be separated from him like this for so long. I haven't gone into his room and keep his door closed all the time. He has a room at his father's place now... *Sigh* I saw him tonight and took him to see my Grandmother. She's starting to slip. When we got there, I told her we were there and she was looking towards the wall and not the door. When she was sick, it was December and she was talking about Thanksgiving. (My Mom made a mistake by saying Happy Thanksgiving when it was Halloween, but she was pretty hammered.)
I have to admit, I've been pretty depressed lately. I think it's because of all the negativity in the world that I encounter some way or another, added to anxiety on a pretty big scale. I do still have depression, that has been slightly enhanced over the past year due to the circumstances I was faced with and had and still have no control over. You see, CA is concerned about a mother like me who has tried her best over the years with pretty much no help from anyone (with the school on my case when I should have just took my kid out of there and put him in a better school to begin with....) They should see that my kid is fifty times better than the kids in his class. They wanted me to put my kid in a McHugh class. So I did. I did it to prove to him that my kid is not the problem, the public school is the problem. If my kid was happy at school, he wouldn't have run away from school. Yeah! He did! He even told me he was scared when his teachers used to try to corner him at school. They used to do that to me too.
In the grouphomes, they used to restrain me and that just pissed me off even more. Bad enough that they controlled my life, but they had to try to pin me down, too?! That doesn't calm anyone. It just caused my anxiety problems. Dealing with the police over the years or anyone in authority caused my anxiety problems. I still feel that way today. I'll probably feel that way for the rest of my life. I want my kid to know that I'll never give up on him the way my own mother did to me. Doing what is easier isn't always doing what is best. I think my case kept getting remanded because I had no other options. I had nowhere to go. So naturally, I wanted to leave as soon as I could and I did. I was with them for about 2 and a half years.
A part of me is still angry that my mother is in denial, sort of running away from her problems and not facing it. I'm afraid of facing my problems too, but I know that I have to take responsibility for my own decisions in life and I have to be accountable for my vulnerabilities and my own inabilities. I'm hard on myself, yes. You know why? Because if I'm not doing anything, if I'm not making progress or achieving something, I feel like crap. Learning from my mistakes (even if I have a history of repeating some of them) is doing something. Even owning up to the fact that I made a mistake is something. Appologizing or at least acknowledging that what you did was wrong is something. I know that it's a long time to hold grudges and it's not healthy to hold a grudge at all. Some things I have a hard time letting go of. I can't say "So what? No big deal!" Because that part of myself that convinces myself that it is somewhat of a big deal just won't go away.
I've seen countless videos about kids who've been beaten, even by their own parents! It's so sad.... It makes me angry. Kids shouldn't have to die. No matter the circumstances, but it's a different thing when it comes to child abuse. I have no tollerance for that at all. I have to say that I have spanked my son a time or two on the butt, but that is not abuse to me. I've only done it a couple of times and I felt bad about it. I'd never put my son through what I went through as a kid. After the last time I spanked him, we had a long talk afterwards about how it was wrong for me to spank him and that I would never do it again. If he's bad, we talk about it and it gets to him a lot more than a spanking ever would. Also, my son is 9 now. He knows right from wrong. He even thinks that the word 'stupid' is a swear word.
All in all, I think I did an okay job raising him pretty much on my own. When he was a kid, I mean that awkward age where he was really testing boundaries. I mean, like 3 or so. It was really hard because if I didn't teach him the 'rules' then it would have been too late. So we sat down and made a 'poster' which he helped me make. I asked him what the rules should be. I started out with "How about no kicking or hitting. Because that's not nice, right?" I find that it works if you give them the chance to think that it's not nice and agree with you at the same time.
Same thing with going shopping. They see something that they would like and they ask you to buy it fo them. All you say is that you won't get it this time, maybe next time, okay? Then they tell you that it is okay because you kinda asked them if it is okay. There is that agreeing thing again. You can get them to agree with you if you state what you think and ask "right?" It has worked for me. Also, another thing that works is if they know that if they start a tantrum anywhere, that you will drop what you are doing and go straight home. No matter where you are or what you are doing. Give them the option of staying or leaving. "Do you want to go home?" "No? Then if you want to stay, you have to behave. If not, we have to go." Just that simple. Then they learn. It takes time to teach them these things, but the trick is to give them the choices and let them make their choice as long as they know the consequence or the reward.
I'm not a really strict parent, but I did let him know from the start what was right and wrong. He is so kind and loving. He's so smart and sweet. He will even hold the door open for me and say "Ladies first!" I remember a time he was like 4 years old and saw a lady coming into my Grandmother's building. Nobody told him to do it or asked him to, but he went straight over to the door and held it open for her!
I love my son so much. It's hurt me to be separated from him like this for so long. I haven't gone into his room and keep his door closed all the time. He has a room at his father's place now... *Sigh* I saw him tonight and took him to see my Grandmother. She's starting to slip. When we got there, I told her we were there and she was looking towards the wall and not the door. When she was sick, it was December and she was talking about Thanksgiving. (My Mom made a mistake by saying Happy Thanksgiving when it was Halloween, but she was pretty hammered.)
I have to admit, I've been pretty depressed lately. I think it's because of all the negativity in the world that I encounter some way or another, added to anxiety on a pretty big scale. I do still have depression, that has been slightly enhanced over the past year due to the circumstances I was faced with and had and still have no control over. You see, CA is concerned about a mother like me who has tried her best over the years with pretty much no help from anyone (with the school on my case when I should have just took my kid out of there and put him in a better school to begin with....) They should see that my kid is fifty times better than the kids in his class. They wanted me to put my kid in a McHugh class. So I did. I did it to prove to him that my kid is not the problem, the public school is the problem. If my kid was happy at school, he wouldn't have run away from school. Yeah! He did! He even told me he was scared when his teachers used to try to corner him at school. They used to do that to me too.
In the grouphomes, they used to restrain me and that just pissed me off even more. Bad enough that they controlled my life, but they had to try to pin me down, too?! That doesn't calm anyone. It just caused my anxiety problems. Dealing with the police over the years or anyone in authority caused my anxiety problems. I still feel that way today. I'll probably feel that way for the rest of my life. I want my kid to know that I'll never give up on him the way my own mother did to me. Doing what is easier isn't always doing what is best. I think my case kept getting remanded because I had no other options. I had nowhere to go. So naturally, I wanted to leave as soon as I could and I did. I was with them for about 2 and a half years.
A part of me is still angry that my mother is in denial, sort of running away from her problems and not facing it. I'm afraid of facing my problems too, but I know that I have to take responsibility for my own decisions in life and I have to be accountable for my vulnerabilities and my own inabilities. I'm hard on myself, yes. You know why? Because if I'm not doing anything, if I'm not making progress or achieving something, I feel like crap. Learning from my mistakes (even if I have a history of repeating some of them) is doing something. Even owning up to the fact that I made a mistake is something. Appologizing or at least acknowledging that what you did was wrong is something. I know that it's a long time to hold grudges and it's not healthy to hold a grudge at all. Some things I have a hard time letting go of. I can't say "So what? No big deal!" Because that part of myself that convinces myself that it is somewhat of a big deal just won't go away.
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