August crept up on us fast, eh? I started dating again. After 5 years! I told my neighbour because I wanted it to seem to him that I am moving on... I can't tell anyone my secrets. I want to be happy and I like to think that I am. Nothing is ever perfect. No matter how many nights you dream of certain circumstances. Chance could have brought us all to different destinations. I would have liked to see my whole life before I lived it. The uncertainty is what kills me inside.
I'm dating and I don't really know what to expect. It's frustrating because my patience needs more work. So far things are working because 1) we have lots in common, 2) He has lots of patience with me.
We understand each other because of similar circumstances in life, but it is more than that. Patience comes into mind again... He is the one who wants to take it slow. Which is a great thing. Just been so long for me (and for him) that is almost like starting over, and it is exactly that.
It's OK because I'm at the point where I just want someone to listen, but to understand.... That was the worst part.. Finding someone who understood... Sometimes I still question if ANYONE will REALLY understand me... That question may rest unanswered for a long time yet to come. I have been questioning myself on whether or not I'm ready to start dating again. Some days I think it's a good thing, other days I think too much about it when I should be happy.
Anyways, right now, I'm at my Mother's place. I went to a memorial service earlier for a woman my mother worked for. She passed away recently. She was 99 years old! She didn't want to be 100.
So many people came to her 'gathering'. I'd be lucky if I have that many friends in my life. So many have died already. I thought about one of them the other day. E.C --- Eleven Cents. I was short 11 cents and it made me think of him.
Been doing a lot of thinking recently. Not like I have much choice. Interverts THINK and they NEED to in order to SURVIVE. I miss curling up with my book tonight. With my cat, too. When I curl up next to my boyfriend, I feel those feelings from long ago. Just my feelings are mixed right now. Part of me will always want to feel those 'feelings', the other half will be the stupidly stubborn part that ruins good things when they FINALLY come my way...
I want to continue, but I'll have to make due with just a lil' version of an update.
Hope all is well with everyone! xoxoxox :) <---- uncharacteristic of me (alcohol makes me feel nice).
I'm dating and I don't really know what to expect. It's frustrating because my patience needs more work. So far things are working because 1) we have lots in common, 2) He has lots of patience with me.
We understand each other because of similar circumstances in life, but it is more than that. Patience comes into mind again... He is the one who wants to take it slow. Which is a great thing. Just been so long for me (and for him) that is almost like starting over, and it is exactly that.
It's OK because I'm at the point where I just want someone to listen, but to understand.... That was the worst part.. Finding someone who understood... Sometimes I still question if ANYONE will REALLY understand me... That question may rest unanswered for a long time yet to come. I have been questioning myself on whether or not I'm ready to start dating again. Some days I think it's a good thing, other days I think too much about it when I should be happy.
Anyways, right now, I'm at my Mother's place. I went to a memorial service earlier for a woman my mother worked for. She passed away recently. She was 99 years old! She didn't want to be 100.
So many people came to her 'gathering'. I'd be lucky if I have that many friends in my life. So many have died already. I thought about one of them the other day. E.C --- Eleven Cents. I was short 11 cents and it made me think of him.
Been doing a lot of thinking recently. Not like I have much choice. Interverts THINK and they NEED to in order to SURVIVE. I miss curling up with my book tonight. With my cat, too. When I curl up next to my boyfriend, I feel those feelings from long ago. Just my feelings are mixed right now. Part of me will always want to feel those 'feelings', the other half will be the stupidly stubborn part that ruins good things when they FINALLY come my way...
I want to continue, but I'll have to make due with just a lil' version of an update.
Hope all is well with everyone! xoxoxox :) <---- uncharacteristic of me (alcohol makes me feel nice).
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