Simple As That

Sometimes I'm really close to achieving a goal, but then I realize that if it seems too good to be true, it usually is. So to keep it simple, I have to just let that stuff go. Get it off my mind. The less problems the better.

I have to look for the warning signs and take them seriously. Trust my gut instinct. I think, OK, this will be different this time around. I'm ready for it this time. I'll be happy this time. But no, it doesn't work that way. I seem to be disappointed. Because yes, I have expectations. I know I shouldn't, but I don't deserve to be treated the way I've been treated by guys. So in my mind, I think that I deserve much more out of life in general. Like being treated with respect. Is it so hard for people to have faith in others? I guess trust has to come before faith.

In any case, it's a learning experience. It always is. Sometimes it really is an eye opener. The way some people speak to me sometimes. I'm not a kid and I'm not an animal. I don't take commands. Maybe requests, if they are worded politely. It's not what people say, it's how they say it. I do have feelings. If people do not respect my feelings, hurt my feelings, and then pretend as though nothing happened... Yeah, it shows that they don't really care about me in the first place. You know? If I'm crying and someone is making me feel bad for crying, then obviously it'll make me feel worse because, again, they don't care.

I don't know why guys have to get angry when there's no reason to get angry. Is that the only emotion they can show? Other than happiness after they get what they want? Yeah, I can be happy and all of that. It's just unrealistic to be happy all the time. And if someone only likes me when I'm happy, then they don't really like me at all, as a person. Just as someone who's fake. Because if I were happy all the time, I would be faking it. I can't be fake. I only know how to be real.

Tomorrow is Canada Day. I'm going to be at my Mom's again tomorrow. I was going to be here today, because I was supposed to take someone to dinner for his birthday, but if he's going to treat me like crap, he doesn't deserve it. I almost bend over backwards for people to show them I care, but then I never get anything back. I'm not talking about THINGS. All I ever needed was affection. To me, affection = appreciation. That's all I ever needed. I don't need or want THINGS just simple gestures. Just it doesn't seem like guys understand any of that. They think if they buy a girl something she'll be happy. It doesn't make me happy. Hugs make me happy. Kisses make me happy... Simple.