Applying for Jobs

The snow melted a lot faster than I thought it would, which is good. We had lake sized puddles, but not any major flooding over here. People who live close to the water are pretty much asking for floods in their basements. Because people don't build houses like they used to. Well I guess if you can afford a waterfront property, then you can afford to get your house built properly.

Some flowers are even starting to grow. Spring seems to be finally here. Thank goodness for that. I was really missing the sun and now it is sunny more often. Except when it's raining. It was raining a little bit yesterday.

I've been applying for jobs online and I haven't heard from anyone I sent resumes to, yet. One reason I think that they don't get back to me is they see that I took Police Foundations in college. They either think I'm trying to embellish my resume, or they think that there has to be a reason I'm not a cop after 2 years of college. Either way, it screws me. I need a day job. The hours I work really suck. I work from 5-9. It's only 4 hours a day and at that rate, I'll never get ahead. I still work on the weekends at the hotel. But I need a real day job, one that I can finish in the afternoon, go home and have dinner with my son, and read him a story before bed. I still would like to work from home but those things seem like a scam to me. Anything too good to be true usually is a scam or a sham. It's a shame.

I do work hard, as hard as I can. I always break a sweat. I've been losing weight. I am less than 115 pounds now. When I was 16, I was 120. I haven't been eating a whole lot these days. I eat when I get home from work. After 9pm. It's not good to eat after 8pm because that's when your metabolism slows down. Your body doesn't fully digest it during the night. So I've heard.

I have to get a bunch of my resumes printed so I can go around to different places. I always hated doing that. I'd put my suit on and go hand out resumes. I'd never get a call back from any of the places. It was depressing. That's why I still hate doing it. Even if I can fax some resumes or something. The waiting really sucks. The waiting for nothing. I applied to Zellers and I didn't get a call back. I applied there three times. Didn't hear anything. They are supposedly hiring all the time, but I guess they don't hire people like me. If I could get a job at the mall then I wouldn't have far to go to work.

Yesterday, I applied to Toys R' Us and some temp agency. I don't want to be stuck doing janitorial work only because that's all I have experience in. But I wouldn't mind being a school janitor. I was a college janitor for 6 months. I would have stayed there, but my supervisor was being a jackass. He wanted me to clean a room at the end of my shift. He knew I didn't have the keys to that room and he refused to unlock it, instead he was giving me a dressing-down about my attitude. Just unlock the fucking door, you asshole. And why he was picking on me when there were at least 7 other employees sitting around doing nothing is anyone's guess. I think he did it on purpose just to see how pissed off I'd get without knocking him out. Or knocking his teeth out.

The first fight I ever got into was in the first grade. A grade 6er was calling me names and teasing me relentlessly so I went over to him and punched him in the face. I broke his nose. I heard it pop and blood gushed down. He was crying and I said, "Who's the kindergarten baby now?" I also got a suspension for that. But he started it. I only finished it. When I was older, I dared a guy to jump off a roof. He did it and landed on something and broke his leg. I felt bad about it, but I didn't actually break his leg. He was the one who jumped off the roof. I was only the one who said he was too scared to do it.

I remember the last fight I was in. I was 16 and a guy was drunk, mouthing off. I told him to shut up because he was getting on my nerves. Then he started threatening my friend and I. I left and he followed me. He grabbed me by the throat and squeezed. He said, "I will kill you." I got out of his grasp because he was drunk and I got him on the ground and just started drilling him in the face with my fists. He grabbed my boob and tried to squeeze it, to hurt me, and that just made me mad. Apparently I just went into a rage and started feeding the guy a face full of fist. There was a gay bar right across the street. The guys on the patio there were cheering me on saying, "you go girl!" After I was done feeding it to him, I got up and started walking away. He got up and started following me again. I figured, yeah?! You want to follow me?! I'll lead you right to the police station, you idiot. It was only a few blocks away.

He ran up behind me when I thought he was a ways back from me and bounced my head off a light post. I saw stars and I still had to try to get up quickly before he made another move. My friend was with me at the time. They call him Farm Boy because he lived on the farm with his folks, but came to the city. This guy is a big guy. I guess he didn't know what to do because he didn't do anything. He could have taken the guy and bent him into a bow tie. I couldn't believe he was just standing there so I started walking away, again. A guy across the street saw the guy push me, so I just started walking with him in case the guy came at me again. I didn't end up going to the police station. I just went home instead. By the time the cops would go to do anything the idiot would have been gone. I just wanted to go home. So I went home, instead. The guy didn't end up walking me home, but I walked with him until the idiot was out of sight. He said, "I don't think you should see that guy again." I laughed and said, "I'm not planning on it." No!!!! Really?! Why not?! He only threatened to kill me, tried to choke me, and bounced me off a light post. Sounds like a good time to me!

But for some reason it felt good punching him in the face, over and over again. I haven't been in a fight for 9 years. But I'm pretty sure I could handle myself, if I had to. I know where certain nerves are, pressure points, and take down stuff. I think I ended up missing a bunch of D.T classes. I always felt clumsy and embarrassed when it comes to physical things like that. I failed my D.T test. We had to do a practical for take down + handcuffing techniques. I never could find anyone who'd let me practice with the for the test. I ended up getting 12/40. I know I could do it if I had more practice at it. I bought fake cuffs to practice with. I didn't bother getting the real deal because they are too expensive, plus, I'd end up losing the keys somehow. The ones I have, don't need a key because they are switch openers. You just pop the switch and they release.

I know I can never be a cop. Not only because I'd probably fail all the entry exams, even though I passed all my exams in college, but because of whatever it is that they are hanging over my head. They told me 'red flags' came up when they did a background check on me. They wouldn't tell me what the 'red flags' were. They still won't. But don't I have a right to know? To know why after all this bullshit of graduating college they won't even let me fucking volunteer for them. Even though, for whatever fucked up reason I got to volunteer with the R.C.M.P and they didn't do a background check on me for that. I even have the certificate from the R.C.M.P thing. And besides, wouldn't those red flags have shown up when I applied for the course? I got into the course, didn't I? So what the hell are they holding over me? My juvenile record? That should be long gone by now. I'm an adult. I have changed. Anyone I've ever known who went to jail is probably dead now. I know a lot of them are. The others I haven't heard about in many years, but I don't see them around anymore. Besides, I've never had any charges laid against me because I've never had to answer to any charges.

I guess once your name is in the system, it's in there. No matter how many years ago, no matter the reason. All they ever had on me was suspicion. I guess they are still suspicious. But it still pisses me off that certain people are literally walked through the hiring process and become cops immediately. Then they are whining that they can't recruit enough new cops. Well, give women an equal opportunity for a start. I don't want to wait another ten years with this diploma, regretting it. Regretting that I didn't take something else instead that would have given me something. Hope for the future. No matter how hard I try to get ahead, I don't realize how much further behind I really am. Before going to college, I had no major debts. I had no collectors calling me relentlessly, reminding me of the one thing I'll never forget. That I owe money. I know. I understand that.

But what I don't understand is why I never get a chance. A big break. But if I wanted to go that way, I'd have to go into security again. I make more money cleaning than I was doing security. And besides, I know they will never let me in for whatever stupid reasons they have. So why waste my time trying? Why go through the embarrassment of pursuing it just to get rejected?

The testing is expensive. Really expensive. Hundreds of dollars. If I pass all except one of the tests, then I have to take them all over again. The certificate is only good for 6 months. If I don't get hired in the 6 months, then I have to go through the testing again and reapply. So I know I can't afford to pay for tests I'm not ready to pass. I know there are books that would help me get ready for those tests. When I get some money, I might order them from Chapters. And I've been meaning to go over my college text books again, refreshen up the courses I took. I've been meaning to quit smoking and train for the fitness test. Quiting is tough. Especially when you've been smoking since you were 13. That's 11 years of smoking. It hasn't killed me, yet. Smoking supposedly causes impotence, I don't have to worry about that one. I don't have a ding-a-ling-a-ling. I keep getting spam: increase your size today! I doubt that stuff even works. But, maybe if I had a ding-a-ling-a-ling, they'd let me be a cop.