There's a lot to think about... I know I am not happy and that means I have to make changes. Some big changes that won't be easy. I'm trying hard to wake up and realize that the sooner I make these changes, the better I will feel. I hope that the end of this month will be a big starting point for me. I know I keep putting things off. I am used to waiting, although I hate it and I can be impatient to the point of actually getting irritated. As I was today. I was losing patience because I felt pressured. I feel a bit pressured in my relationship too. In any relationship...
Well here's how today went... I went over to my boyfriend's place because I wanted to take him with me to go meet my mother. I was hoping it was going to go better than it went. First of all, my mom didn't want me to come over, let alone bring my boyfriend over. Even though she is my mom and should be glad to see me.... So much for wanting that. Being happy to see me is way too much for MY mom, actually letting me come into her place was too much for her. Pissed her off that I even tried to come over. Wonder why I don't go see her much? When I try I get treated like that. Who wants to be treated like that by their own mother?
Then she wanted to go to this chinese supermarket... I went there... bought my food and then she's like: "I forgot my bank card at home." I tried to use my bank card 3 times! To buy her stuff for her even though I knew she's never pay me back... I got declined 3 times... Urgh! All for a woman who wouldn't even let me into her place.... My own mother!
All the way there, I had to repeat myself... I had to argue, even though I was trying not to. I hate arguing. I broke up with a guy who always wanted to argue about everything. Anyway, it wasn't a pleasant ride there, or back either. I felt the animosity growing. That is not a good sign. It means there are things that are not making me very happy. I need to either end these things or they have to change. Like maybe if my mother didn't see or hear from me for over a year, she might appreciate having me around...
When I broke up with my boyfriend, I didn't have to take him back. Half of me really wishes I didn't. It makes me think again and I'm thinking it won't last. I got a bunch of chinese food to cook, like springrolls, dumplings, and I was even going to make a shrimp stirfry for my boyfriend tonight but he won't even stay awake to eat with me! He's sleeping now and not keeping me company, even though he wasn't the greatest company today... Still... I think the end is near for Abby's attempt at dating after 5 years!
Well here's how today went... I went over to my boyfriend's place because I wanted to take him with me to go meet my mother. I was hoping it was going to go better than it went. First of all, my mom didn't want me to come over, let alone bring my boyfriend over. Even though she is my mom and should be glad to see me.... So much for wanting that. Being happy to see me is way too much for MY mom, actually letting me come into her place was too much for her. Pissed her off that I even tried to come over. Wonder why I don't go see her much? When I try I get treated like that. Who wants to be treated like that by their own mother?
Then she wanted to go to this chinese supermarket... I went there... bought my food and then she's like: "I forgot my bank card at home." I tried to use my bank card 3 times! To buy her stuff for her even though I knew she's never pay me back... I got declined 3 times... Urgh! All for a woman who wouldn't even let me into her place.... My own mother!
All the way there, I had to repeat myself... I had to argue, even though I was trying not to. I hate arguing. I broke up with a guy who always wanted to argue about everything. Anyway, it wasn't a pleasant ride there, or back either. I felt the animosity growing. That is not a good sign. It means there are things that are not making me very happy. I need to either end these things or they have to change. Like maybe if my mother didn't see or hear from me for over a year, she might appreciate having me around...
When I broke up with my boyfriend, I didn't have to take him back. Half of me really wishes I didn't. It makes me think again and I'm thinking it won't last. I got a bunch of chinese food to cook, like springrolls, dumplings, and I was even going to make a shrimp stirfry for my boyfriend tonight but he won't even stay awake to eat with me! He's sleeping now and not keeping me company, even though he wasn't the greatest company today... Still... I think the end is near for Abby's attempt at dating after 5 years!
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