I'm starting to feel better now. I'm back on my medication. I have enough to last me a month. I'm going to make an appointment with Dr. Jackass. That's not his real name, but most doctors are jackasses. It's 50 dollars per medical visit if you don't have a health card which the patient pays. So I'm thinking that it's still 50 bucks that the government pays per health visit when they swipe your health card. It sort of works as a credit card that is charged to the government. So does this 50 bucks go straight to the doctor. I think it does. So it doesn't matter if you are there for 10 to 15 minutes, the doctor still gets the 50 bucks. So if a doctor sees like 30 people a day, that would be over a thousand dollars a day. And what good does a doctor do when he can't even give me a refill on my prescriptions so that I don't run out and end up getting sick?
Plus they charge ten dollars per doctor note. That's pretty stupid if you ask me. Just write me a damn note for fuck sake. My health care should cover it. Nothing but chicken scratches anyway. Apparently they don't teach penmanship in doctor school. And for the money they pay to go into doctor school they should break those fuckheads down and build them up from scratch. Then they wouldn't be so friggin' arrogant.When I went in for my last refill, the guy was grilling me because he didn't want to prescribe my pills to me, even though he's done so before. So they are mostly Jackasses. Except the one who delivered me into this world because as far as I know I wasn't dropped on my head. At least nobody had admitted it yet.
As for dating, it's probably best that I get my life straight. Guys just seem to want to have their needs met. I keep meeting everyone else's needs except for my own. So I have to take time for myself now. Besides, dating isn't really worth it. At least, not for me. I mean there were good times, but they ended.
And no, I don't always go for the really attractive guys because a lot of them are jerks. They've spent their lives getting everything they wanted so they are selfish.
Sure, women are attracted to guys who have confidence. Just as men are attracted to women with confidence. That's why guys aren't attracted to me. I lack confidence. Confidence = radiance. Radiant people stand out. They just do.
I've rarely had any form of confidence. There were times I felt confident, but it's hard to keep that feeling. Especially when life tends to crap in our faces. Smell that shit! I gave myself a reading last night. I was tired and I could not get to sleep. I got the Wheel of Fortune. It means that fortune is blind so it knows not which way the wheel turns. Upwards for good luck, downwards for bad luck. The most wise man knows that there is never any run of luck that does not run out. The wheel HAS to turn. And when we are at the bottom, we come back up again.
I also got two aces. Aces mark the beginning of something. One was the ace of cups. The suit of cups deals with emotions and relationships. The other was the ace of swords. The swords represent life challenges.
I got two knight cards. One was the knight of swords and the other was the knight of cups. The knight of swords represents action and creativity. The other was about an upsurge of romantic feelings within myself. I got the strength card which is the card of dealing with the 'desire drive'. Self-control type of thing.
Another card was the three of pentacles. It means slow but steady progress in business matters. I'm thinking about another way of generating some money. I called a store to see if they'd meet with me to see what kind of things I'm making. I'm going on Monday to show them. I'm not telling anyone what it is until I hear from them, to see. I also applied for a night job during the week. I haven't heard back from them at all, yet. Data entry shouldn't be that hard. I'm doing it right now. I'm entering data on the computer. How hard could it be? But I would really be happy if she agrees to sell them in her store. I'd even give her a cut in it. I'd have to for doing this for me. I'm happy she called back and said she'd meet with me on Monday. Right there, it shows a start. I took some initiative. Which I don't take often. I should take more often. I should be telling myself: Don't procrastinate, initiate!
The problem being, again, lack of confidence.
Anyway, you all should be proud of me for returning my library books on time this time. I finished the Evelyn Dick story. The only one who served any time in jail for the murder of the woman's husband was her father. It was only four years because they convicted him of being an accessory. They couldn't seem to get her for the murder. She was the one who shot the guy. Her father chopped him up. They burned his head, arms, and legs in the furnace. Back then, they had coal furnaces. They found bone fragments in the ashes. Parts of his skull. I read crime books for the psychology of it. The criminology is fascinating.
Anyways, I've got a bunch of stuff to do today, so I'd better get cracking on it before it gets cracking on me.
Plus they charge ten dollars per doctor note. That's pretty stupid if you ask me. Just write me a damn note for fuck sake. My health care should cover it. Nothing but chicken scratches anyway. Apparently they don't teach penmanship in doctor school. And for the money they pay to go into doctor school they should break those fuckheads down and build them up from scratch. Then they wouldn't be so friggin' arrogant.When I went in for my last refill, the guy was grilling me because he didn't want to prescribe my pills to me, even though he's done so before. So they are mostly Jackasses. Except the one who delivered me into this world because as far as I know I wasn't dropped on my head. At least nobody had admitted it yet.
As for dating, it's probably best that I get my life straight. Guys just seem to want to have their needs met. I keep meeting everyone else's needs except for my own. So I have to take time for myself now. Besides, dating isn't really worth it. At least, not for me. I mean there were good times, but they ended.
And no, I don't always go for the really attractive guys because a lot of them are jerks. They've spent their lives getting everything they wanted so they are selfish.
Sure, women are attracted to guys who have confidence. Just as men are attracted to women with confidence. That's why guys aren't attracted to me. I lack confidence. Confidence = radiance. Radiant people stand out. They just do.
I've rarely had any form of confidence. There were times I felt confident, but it's hard to keep that feeling. Especially when life tends to crap in our faces. Smell that shit! I gave myself a reading last night. I was tired and I could not get to sleep. I got the Wheel of Fortune. It means that fortune is blind so it knows not which way the wheel turns. Upwards for good luck, downwards for bad luck. The most wise man knows that there is never any run of luck that does not run out. The wheel HAS to turn. And when we are at the bottom, we come back up again.
I also got two aces. Aces mark the beginning of something. One was the ace of cups. The suit of cups deals with emotions and relationships. The other was the ace of swords. The swords represent life challenges.
I got two knight cards. One was the knight of swords and the other was the knight of cups. The knight of swords represents action and creativity. The other was about an upsurge of romantic feelings within myself. I got the strength card which is the card of dealing with the 'desire drive'. Self-control type of thing.
Another card was the three of pentacles. It means slow but steady progress in business matters. I'm thinking about another way of generating some money. I called a store to see if they'd meet with me to see what kind of things I'm making. I'm going on Monday to show them. I'm not telling anyone what it is until I hear from them, to see. I also applied for a night job during the week. I haven't heard back from them at all, yet. Data entry shouldn't be that hard. I'm doing it right now. I'm entering data on the computer. How hard could it be? But I would really be happy if she agrees to sell them in her store. I'd even give her a cut in it. I'd have to for doing this for me. I'm happy she called back and said she'd meet with me on Monday. Right there, it shows a start. I took some initiative. Which I don't take often. I should take more often. I should be telling myself: Don't procrastinate, initiate!
The problem being, again, lack of confidence.
Anyway, you all should be proud of me for returning my library books on time this time. I finished the Evelyn Dick story. The only one who served any time in jail for the murder of the woman's husband was her father. It was only four years because they convicted him of being an accessory. They couldn't seem to get her for the murder. She was the one who shot the guy. Her father chopped him up. They burned his head, arms, and legs in the furnace. Back then, they had coal furnaces. They found bone fragments in the ashes. Parts of his skull. I read crime books for the psychology of it. The criminology is fascinating.
Anyways, I've got a bunch of stuff to do today, so I'd better get cracking on it before it gets cracking on me.
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